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Sharry 2

Suddenly Sharry was all alone. She looked all around her, trying to figure out, why? “What happened?” “Where the hell did everyone go??!” She yelled. “Where’s my desk?” She said. She turned her head and instead of her drawing wall, she saw trees. “Where’s the …what the hell!” “How am I in a friggen forest??” She looked around, wondering where she was? 

Suddenly everything  went fuzzy, just like it did the first time she had shifted, she’d started out in one place, her office at work, and had ended up in a completely different place, this weird forest. Then it shifted again and it was instantly  dark! She shook her head and looked around again. She saw trees, trees and more trees. “What the…??”  “Where in the world am I!” She wondered out loud. “Hello,”she yelled out. “Hello? Is anyone there?” “What is going on,”she thought to herself. “I don’t get it! How did I go from my office to a forest??” She rubbed her bare arms and shivered, it was cold, really cold. “This can’t be real,” she said, “I can’t be here, I’m imagining things, or maybe hallucinating.” “I did have a scratchy throat this morning, maybe I’m just sicker than I thought?!” “Yep! Hallucinating, that’s gotta be it!” “Otherwise…what? I magically transported here. Wherever here is.”

 Just then she heard a rustling in the bush and then, “snap”, she heard a branch break. Someone or something was out there, she was not alone in this forest. It was probably watching her right now. “Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!”She whispered frantically. “H -h- hello?” She whispered. “Is anyone there?” She slowly backed farther away from where she had heard the sound, trying to decide if she should just turn and take a run for it.  However, something made her stay in place. There was a rustling again, this time much closer to her, she turned her head slowly, ready to scream, but all she saw were bushes. She leaned in closer and suddenly… a rabbit hopped out from the bushes beside her! Sharry had never jumped as high or screamed as loud as she did in that moment! Her heart was racing, the adrenaline pumping through her, her autonomic nervous system working in overdrive.

Laughing at herself, for being scared of a harmless little rabbit, she was still no closer to figuring out where she was and how she got there. Then, something tapped her on her shoulder. Her entire body tensed, as she screamed and whipped her head around. There stood a man with jet black hair, eyes practically as black. He was built with sheer muscle. He was probably the most handsome man she’d ever met, well a close second, maybe even a tie for first…no! Jake’s first. Always Jake. My love. My guardian. Sharry looked at this dark man before her. Invariably taking a slow step backwards. She knew that someone like him could break her like a twig, but, wow, look at those intense, beautiful eyes. She cleared her throat. “Um…Excuse me,”she said, slowly trying to back away from him, hoping she could just try to walk or even run away. Then he spoke to her,”Sharry, Sharry, Sharry. Tsk. Tsk.” He said in this horrificly creepy sing-songy voice.  “Playing alone in the woods is dangerous my dear.” He said in that same, horrific voice. He grabbed her by the arms and leaned into her. “Haven’t you been watching the news?? There are monsters roaming these woods.” His laughter made such a horrific screeching sound, so loud and piercing that Sharie felt the noise all the way to her bones. It was so overpowering and terrifyingly inhuman. She tried to put her hands over her ears, but he wouldn’t let go of her arms. He laughed at the agony it was clearly causing her. She suddenly felt something pop in her ear and felt the blood trickling out of it. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Sharry dear” it said sardonically, obviously, sickly amused by the situation. “Am I hurting you?” He leaned in close, his ferocious mouth practically touching her bleeding ear and said, “I wouldn’t want to ruin my dinner.” It laughed again, but quickly stopped and said, “oops! I forgot what my laughter does to you.””Let me go you piece of shit!” Yelled Sharie, struggling and wiggling and trying to get her arms out of his grip. “Let you go!” It remarked snidely, squeezing her arms even tighter. “And why would I do that?”It said. He exhaled, bent down to her belly button and took a long, filthy sniff all the way up her body, ending at her bleeding ear. He groaned and his whole body shivered. He whipped his head up to look Sharie in the eye. “Let go of me!” Sharie sobbed, but he just slowly tilted his head and looked her over. “No!”She said. “What do you want with me??!” He pulled her to him, so close that their bodies could have moulded into one. He gazed into her eyes, “”All that blood,”he thought, “how can I maintain control?” Just the smell of her blood made him weak, “I can not resist her,”he thought. Then, instinctively, he began licking her ear and face, lapping up all of the blood that had come from her ear. His body was pressed against hers. She could feel his warm breath panting in her ear. She fought against the involuntary, aroused reactions of her body. “Eww!!” She said. “That’s disgusting!!” “Let me go!!”she said as she struggled against his embrace. “Get away from me!!” 

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.””Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Casstiel

Do you ever get so attached to characters in a television show that when they get “hurt” or even “die” on the show that you feel sad and loss? I mean, I guess that’s their goal right. To have you hooked and drawn in by the characters and story. They want you to feel whatever is going on with the characters. So that’s where I am tonight. SPOILER ALERT!!! If you watch Supernatural and are up to date you would already know this. My daughter and I are watching it on Netflix, so we’re only on season 6 or 7 (I think the current season is the 11th). Well, if you know me, you’d not be all that surprised that I get attached easily, too big of a heart and I’m too emotional. Anyway, the other thing you’d know about me is that I kind of have a thing for fairies and angels. If you watch Supernatural, you know all about the angels in the show. They’re depicted in a way that most people probably don’t expect. They’re not all white and gentle and flutter around full of love and joy. Nope! These angels are warriors, they’re fierce and protective. They’re formidable and intense. These angels mean business, especially the arch angels (should I be capitalizing the word angel??? I don’t know for sure…huh!) My point is that these angels are often merciless, for the most part, they don’t care about humans and they are God’s soldiers. All except, of course, Casstiel (I may have spelled that wrong.) He is sympathetic with the humans and ends up being friends or even family with Dean and Sam. He ends up thinking free will is a good thing and fights for it, for both the angels and the people. He’s portrayed as innocent and naive to the ways of humans. He has flaws and makes mistakes, one huge one near the end. He was one of my favourite characters. I say “was” because they killed him in the episode we watched this evening and I’m so so sad about it. First off, he’s an angel. He shouldn’t die. He’s so powerful and means well every time. He does so much gor them. Even rescuing or freeing both of the brothers (at different times) from hell. It just hurts my heart and brings tears to my eyes. It will be weird without his quirky remarks and blind faith, which he ends up questioning. He’s just good and I don’t want him to be gone. I know this post is probably silly, I know it’s just a stupid tv show. I know all of that. I just feel sad about it. Right or wrong, weird or sappy, it’s the truth. It hurts my heart. That is all. I know the world isn’t ending or anything like that. I know in the big scheme of things that this is nothing big, but, it was on my mind.  When I write about things on my mind, I generally end up feeling better afterwards. Let’s hope that’s the case tonight!! Who knows, maybe they’ll still bring him back, it wouldn’t be the first character who’s died and brought back…I can only hope!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.””Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

That Dark Place

The urge to do nothing is always there!

To sit around feeling useless,

Whining about how life’s not fair!

The pull to slip back under is so strong too!

To go back to feeling useless,

To let Depression rule all I do!

That dark path is a hard one to fight!

To go back where nothing mattered,

To look away from God’s bright light!

The compulsion to fall back into old ways,

To unhealthy behaviours and thoughts,

Is so damn powerful and it always stays!

Every moment, I have to try to remain strong! 

It’s perpetuatally whispering in my ear,

“Were those old times really so wrong?”

It tries to tempt me or harass me,

Until I feel I’m going crazy!

It loves to remind me of what I used to see!

I saw pain and loneliness, sadness and despair.

I’d feel confused and very angry!

Why would I ever want to go back there?

Because it was easy to be in pain.

It was easy to dredge up the negatives,

They seemed to fall down like rain!

So each and every day, I try so hard,

To fight the elephant in the room,

To kick its’ ass out to the yard!

I must remind myself how far I’ve gotten,

And that it was never, ever fun!

In fact, it was generally just rotten!

I have to fight the pull every day,

Because it may be awful, but it’s simple!

So I must remind myself that there is a better way.

To remain calm, keep busy, be positive and smile!

Those things really help to deter,

That strange, dark urge that pulls all the while!

JKC

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Living Life

I spent last night at my good friend’s house. Jo and I have been friends since grade school. We rarely get together, but we both wish we’d see each other more often. So, recently, we’ve been doing fairly well at making a point of getting together. We decided we should have a slumber party – like we’re 16 again! We actually had made plans to have a slumber party with another one of our friends, but sadly she couldn’t make it (I sure miss her). It’s too bad that she didn’t join us. Anyway, being sick has turned me into a hermit. However, I know that it’s good for me to get out and do things. Sometimes it’s hard, because it’s so much easier to just sit at home and do nothing. It takes quite a bit of effort for me to get up and at ’em, but I know that doing nothing, all of the time, is just not good for me. I don’t want to let myself slowly slip away again…because depression sucks!!) I have to make a conscious effort to get going and doing things. So it seemed like an excellent idea to hang out with Jo. Her husband and kids are in Toronto right now, so we had her place to ourselves. We had supper together, she made really great rice and lettuce wraps mmm! They were definitely tasty. I wonder if my family, (well my kids are who I wonder about – my hubby will eat anything!! He’s very easy to cook for.) would eat them? After supper we just visited and then decided to watch a movie. When we were young Jo and I loved the movie Delirious, which is Eddie Murphy, back when he was young, doing stand-up comedy. It was so funny!! We just had too much fun watching it together!! It brought back so many amazing memories from when we were young. We watched it religiously back then. Last night watching it together was just perfect! I haven’t laughed that much in a very very long long time! It was laugh out loud funny! We were both in tears😭! It was great. I laughed and smiled so much my face hurt. Seriously, I’m not exaggerating at all! I had so much fun!! We decided to watch it on a whim and I’m glad we did. I am so glad that I forced myself to go to her house. I was hesitating a bit in the afternoon, not because I didn’t want to go see her, but because I was lazing around all afternoon and it meant I had to get my arse up and moving!! I’m tired tonight, but I’m so glad I went! No regrets! I have to live my life. I have to take hold of the reins and start steering it where I want to go. Thanx for such a fun night Jo! I haven’t laughed that much in ages!!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Just Live

Drifting slowly through the rain,

I fall and slip right down the drain!

Slugging knee deep in other people’s shit!

I wonder, perhaps, if this is it?

Wading deeper as I go,

I feel the darkness start to grow.

Shivering suddenly, it’s getting colder,

I nervously glance over my left shoulder.

I see them lined up, in a row.

My memories presenting quite the show!

The negative ones, the low-times and all the bad!

“They’re the ones you remember,” “it’s really quite sad.”

God had come down, for a little chat!!??

He said,”You are good, my child!” Like that was that!

“I am losing my mind!!”I said to myself. 

“You’re beautiful you know,” said a little fairy-elf!

“Thanks!?!”  I said in a bewildered tone. 

“I’m seeing things!” My mind was blown!

I said, “God and Fairies are down in the drain?” 

“Can someone please come down and explain!?”

“You are good,” said God. “It’s all that matters!”  

“Thinking in the negative, must have you in tatters!!”

“Positivity is the way to go,” God said.

“YOU ARE GOOD” “Get it in your head!!”

“Now get out of that shit!”

“It’ll drag you down with it!!”

“Believe in abundance, believe in love.”

“And the law of attraction?” ” Make it fit like a glove!”

“Live like this. Live loud. Live free”

“This is how life’s supposed to be!”

“Forget the past, forget what they think!”

“Quit walking around in other people’s stink!”

“Life’s happening RIGHT NOW!”  “When will you start to live?”

“It’s there for the taking.” “I love to give!”

“So just remember, that you are good.”

“And live your life the way you should!”

Then suddenly I was back up on the street.  

Shivering from the cold, no shit on my feet!

I looked around, there was no one to be found. 

No God. No fairy. No drain underground!

But I swear that I heard, as I was walking away

“You are good!” Just as clear as day…

JKC
To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Waiting For Love

Waiting, the time passes slowly by,

Wishing it wasn’t always like this! 

Sighing, she felt so deflated and confused,

Wondering why he’s so hit or miss?

Rushing, he always kept her waiting,

Hoping for once he would get it right.

Cringing, because he messed up again!

Knowing she’d give him that look tonight.

Frowning, when he walked through the door,

Seeing, the pleading look in his eyes.

Yelling, she couldn’t hold back anymore!

Wondering if they should be saying their goodbyes?

Apologizing, for the hundredth time!

Seeing, his words weren’t changing her mind.

Pleading, for a chance to set things right.

Fearing, she was ready to leave him behind! 

Leaving, getting up she grabbed her coat.

Despairing, he grabbed her and held her tight!

Crying, she stared deep into his eyes.

Embracing, why did something so bad feel so right?

JKC

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Waiting

I’m sitting in my van waiting for my daughter to finish dance. I killed time wandering through Walmart forever. I was pretty surprised how quickly the time went by. It’s probably not the best idea or place to be, because I end up buying things that I don’t really need. I actually did better than I expected. I did have some stupid things in my cart that I ended up putting back, but I only spent about $70 and the majority was on groceries. So, not too bad right? I didn’t feel like I even spent that much. Little things sure add up quickly. I was originally keeping track on my phone’s calculator, but I accidentally deleted it when it rang and I picked it up. I bought a new adult colouring book, which I didn’t really need, but that’s probably the only thing I could have done without. I have a LOT of them. I just really love the pictures in them. Some I use for ideas of things for myself to draw, but generally I enjoy colouring. I often do so while watching tv or sitting by my little man while he’s playing a game on the tv. He also sometimes colours with me, but only in certain books. Some of them are just too detailed and complicated for him and some I want to save for myself – lol. 

I feel like I’m getting a cold. I have the plugged up sinuses and headache going on. Also, my face is hurting on both sides! It was yesterday too. I just hate it when my left side gets involved. It’s like I’m used to the right-hand side of my face hurting. I’m used to automatically protecting it from being bumped or touched or even being blown on by air conditioning, but the left side makes me feel more vulnerable for some weird reason. It just makes me angry. It feels like a sick joke. TN is rare enough on its own, but dual-sided TN is super rare. Or so they say. I’ve seen a few people on chat groups says they have it on both sides, but most don’t. Okay. Enough whining and feeling sorry for myself. It’s just the way it is and I have to live with that. 

Oh! She’s finished. I can see her coming, so I’m going to stop writing for now. I may or may not write more. Depends on time. So, goodnight for now!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

The Job Hunt Begins

This morning, after the younger two kiddos were dropped off at school, I was fiddling around on Workopolis and found a job that my daughter should apply for. The deadline was at 11:59PM this afternoon. So I woke her up and told her she had to climb out of bed and apply for this job (it’s for Westjet, being a “Guest Ambassador”. The person who helps you with your tags, assists with self check-in, helps people who are in wheelchairs or those who need assistance also, you clean the planes between flights. And, other various duties as required.) I can totally see her excelling at this job. She’s very good with people, personable and confident, not too shy. It would be a good, stable job!! It only took us 2.5 hours to figure out their on-line application forms. They were supposed to “auto-fill” the information from her uploaded resume, but came up with really wonky things. For instance, in the address section it said she’s from Belgium!! We literally finished the whole thing with seconds to spare. We were still filling things out when we received a four minute warning that the job posting was going to expire. Talk about cutting it close. We may have some poor or crappy answers, because we blew through the last few questions in about 45 seconds. Which, if you know me, is crazy fast!! So, I guess we just wait and see if they contact her. She also applied to work in her father’s field;  she applied to be a Pre-Board Screening Officer at the Edmonton Airport. It’s where my hubby started and worked his way up from in 11 or 12 years. He’s technically not working for the EIA anymore, since he’s the Lead Operations Manager for a bunch of the small airports in Alberta, Saskatchewan, Yellowknife  and Manitoba, among others. We had cursed and cussed at the stupid form for the Westjet application, well he funny thing is, when she started the screening officer application, it was the exact same form – lol!! We all had a good laugh over that! After we had cheered that we finally finished the first application, we had to do the same thing all over again! The second time around was much faster. Our daughter graduated from high school with French-immersion (that looks weird…did I spell it correctly?!) The airport prioritizes those who are bilingual and French-Immersion qualifies her as bilingual. My hubby said that they’ll put her at the top of the stack of resumes for that alone. So that’s a good thing. The not so good thing is hat it takes a few months of training and tests, as well as a security clearance, before she can actually work. That’s assuming she even gets the job. I guess we wait and see how it goes. The most frustrating part of her getting a job is that she doesn’t have her license yet and our small town doesn’t exactly have a bus system or anything. We’ll just have to drive her, I guess, until she gets her license. 

Well, didn’t I ramble on with all that. I have to get to bed. It’s almost 12:00AM and I’m so very sleepyZzzzt…goodnight ‼️😴

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

The Struggles Of Jenn

I’ve been feeling pretty useless recently. Well, I don’t know if useless is the correct word. Probably not. I’ve just been feeling directionless. I’ve been feeling bla. I have no energy. I haven’t been able to do any of my good writing.  I feel like I’m just, I don’t know, like I have no motivation, no get up and go. Like I lost my mojo. I get worried when I have the blas. Anyone with a history of depression probably knows what I’m saying. It remains a weight there, in the back of your mind. I don’t like that feeling a d never want to go back there. Those low periods in my life sucked, to put it mildly. I believe that only those who’ve been there truly understand. Depression isn’t the blues, or feeling sad or having a bad day, or even week. It most definitely is not a choice!!! I’m just going to say that one more time, people don’t choose to be depressed.  It’s not something you can just snap out of or cheer up! Please don’t ever ask a truly depressed person to do either of those things. You feel stuck, you feel lost, you feel hopeless, you could easily lie in bed for days without doing anything at all. It is a deep, dark, and dismal place to be in. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. People who think that you just need to go for a run clearly don’t get it. Depressed people are having a good day if they make it from the bed to the couch! I don’t want to go back there. I’m probably fine, just in a bit of a rut or something. It just keeps its weight in the back of my mind. Reminding me of how awful it felt. Many of my early posts were from when I was depressed and you can just feel it in the tone of my writing. Or I sure can. My more recent posts compared to some of my older ones are like night and day. But, I’ve just been doing nothing, accomplishing nothing, finishing nothing, and it makes me feel shitty and down. But not depressed. I’ll fight that with all I’ve got! I never want to be in that hopeless place again, not ever! I just need to get my butt in gear and get moving and doing. Being idle sucks. It doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and feels empty, without direction or purpose! I need to do more with my time. Research publishing, write more, paint or draw, something! I don’t do well when I’m not doing enough. I understand that when I’m having a shitty pain day I don’t need to be super-mom or anything. I’m just talking about day to day on my good days I need to be doing something. Anything really! Anything other than sit around getting nothing done. It leaves me feeling crappy about myself and isn’t all that great for the self-esteem. When I’m busy and have lots to do, I feel better about myself. More worthy or something. It’s what I’ve been trying to say to my oldest. If she keeps doing nothing, she’s going to keep getting headaches, feeling bla, being negative and crabby. She’s in a better mood on the days when she’s up and has plans or something to do. She dotsee the correlation between her moods and desire to do absolutely nothing. She doesn’t see how feeling like you accomplish nothing is wearing on her, but I sure do. She needs a job! Then, with her busy, I can do some things for myself, like write or paint or organize our house. I let her convince me to watch tv, which ends up sucking the hours away, then I end up feeling unaccomplished and crappy!!  I can’t totally blame her. I choose to sit and do nothing with her. She doesn’t have to force me. I just would probably get more done if she was at work, because she wouldn’t be asking me to watch one of our shows. Sigh…she needs a job, and I need to start doing more around the house. Being sick, really sick, put a lot onto my hubby’s plate. However, now I have more good days, I can get back into doing some of the things around the house that I used to do. That would take some of the pressure off of him. It would alleviate some of the guilt I feel about all he’s done in my place over the past few years. I need to find my drive. I don’t want to be depressed again and I need to start living my life again. I’m just not quite sure how…

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Live Your Dreams!!

Do you follow your dreams or just dream?

Without action dreams are just thoughts!

Have you considered how it may seem,

To be only thinking lots and lots?

Have you ever even considered,

What you’d need to do?

To turn your thoughts, ideas and brainwaves,

All of your dreams, 

Towards steps that you can take,

Things that you can actually do!

To make your dreams a reality when you’re awake!

What’s the first thing you could do?

Writing things down can really help you!

It can make intangible thoughts, dreams and ideas,

Into actual, achievable, realistic goals!

Things that you can do!

Breaking big things down into smaller steps,

Can turn the overwhelming into achievable ideas!

It’s also helpful to write down your dreams!

If something pops into your head,

Have a journal handy and write whatever it is down!!

I’ve had so many book ideas, 

That pop into my head at night. 

I used to believe I’d just remember the next day. 

But, I usually forgot!

Now, I write it down in the “notes” section on my phone. 

Do whatever works for you! 

A journal, smart phone notes, or even just a pad of paper. 

The point is to see what you’ve written. 

What are realistic and actually possible. 

Sometimes we have to start with the small dreams 

And work our way up to the bigger ones. 

I dreamt about writing each and every day!

Here I am, after a year and 9 months. 

Still writing every day!

My next dream is to get published. 

I started small, with just a poem. 

I’m going to continue doing the small things, 

But I’m heading towards a book. 

I’m currently on the research task. 

To learn all I can about getting published. 

Take your dreams. 

Your thoughts and ideas. 

Figure out your first step. 

And do it!!

Don’t you want to look back, years later,

And feel proud of the life that you’ve lived?

No regrets?!

Live your dreams!

Live the life that you were born to live!

It’s probably not going to be easy. 

But, you can do it!!

Just Do It!

JKC

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”