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Oh Tired Me!!

I had a long post written that magically got erased somehow. It got into all my fun details about my exciting late afternoon colon cleanse- well, it too a lot longer than the afternoon, but it’s now 1:45 and I can’t keep my eyes open long enough to type this. 

Mom and dad came by to help with cleaning the house. There was a lot to get done, and we definitely put a dent into it. I’m very thankful for them both. I’m blessed to have them. Mom and I tackled the kitchen and dad and Tay did the dining room and the living room and all of the windows, inside and out!! It all looks way way better. I can’t keep my eyes open to write this. Thanx again guys, for cleaning with me. I need to finish this, for the third time!!!!! Argh! 

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.””Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, wLhile about it I write!!”

Sometimes I Feel So Alone 

Some days I just feel so alone. I’m surrounded by family and love them to bits, but I just get lost in myself sometimes. Or I feel like argh – no one understands no one really gets it…what it’s like feeling like you can’t function. I can’t cook a normal meal without getting exhausted- why is it exhausting? I don’t know. It’s just supper right? Why should that be difficult?? Then it never seems to end…”Mom” “Mom” “Mom” “Mom what’s for supper?” “Mom I’m hungry!” Mom can you do -fill in the blank- with/for me?” “Mom I need a ride to so and so’s house!” “Mom” “Mom” “Mom”  And my husband sometimes gets in on it… “What’s for supper?”  What did you do today?” “Did you get -fill in the blank – done?” I just want to scream!  “NO! I got nothing done nothing at all! I can barely move I hurt I want to vomit I have the energy of a slug I didn’t do anything!! And my fucking face hurts!!!” I know the kids worry and my hubby really worries, he also knows that I feel better when I accomplish something, anything actually. But I just want to scream at them all…”I can’t! I can’t anymore! I’m broken and I can’t get fixed!” My damn house is an embarrassment! And I’m too ashamed to ask someone to help. I wish we had the money for a housekeeper or one of those decluttering professionals. But everything is just bad. There’re piles everywhere you look. Junk, just stuff! What do I want to say when someone asks how I am doing??? “SHITTY!!! I feel like shit and I can’t take it anymore! Thanks for asking!!!”  My hubby and I were going to take a 3 or 4 day weekend, just the two of us to Niagra falls and we need it so badly. So so badly. All the stress is hard on relationships! We need some down time for just us!! We have only gone away together once, on his business trip. I sat in the hotel room and he was gone all day, every day and I think we had one dinner out together, because he also had to work in the evenings. Was it a beautiful, restful time for me?? Yes! But was it time alone, just the two of us? Time to see the man I love not frazzled, stressed, worried about me, worried about money and always busy working? Nope! I can’t even remember the last time we had alone together…I was so so excited to be going! Sick tummy and all. I just couldn’t wait…But, now, his car accident was the final straw financially…I  or, rather, we can’t even afford a trip where the total cost was only about $1000 that’s it! Pathetic right?? He has a deal with WESTJET because of all of his work travel, but nope! Not going to happen anymore. We need it sooo badly. But because of fucking life, we can’t go now. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and scream and cry and rant.  I can’t keep trying to function like everything is hunky-dory…I can’t move without wanting to vomit! I just want to scream!!! Sometimes I feel so alone. There’s gotta be more to it all than this! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m never going to catch up on anything. My house will never be beautiful. Why do I have to be sick anymore anyway? It’s so fucking unfair! Why me God? I don’t understand? I must have done something awful in my past life to deserve this karma. I get so sick and tired of it all. It’s so damn unfair…I have to go fucking lie down, because that’s all that I’m fucking good at anymore!

Wasn’t I in a peachy mood this morning!? Gosh! I feel horrible! What a rant! Don’t hold back Jenn, let it all out! Just so you know, I love my hubby and kids dearly, I just need a break, with some quiet and nothing to do – no responsibilities. Just nothing. Not forever, I realize I’m an adult and this is my life and I need to get living it, the best I can. I just was so so excited about our little holiday. It feels like a punch in the gut that we can’t go now. It just never ends…

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.””Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

I’m Going Crazy

So, when you sit around feeling like hell, it gives you a lot of time to think. Over think really. I’m calling that damn doctor on Friday. I’m going to tell him that I can’t get through this severe stomach crap…please help it go away. It’s so so bad. I’ll beg him if I have to. Because he’s the one who said, “just because you have TN, doesn’t mean you can’t have anything else. We can’t always just assume that it is all related. It could be gall bladder disease, it could be an ulcer, there are so many other things. So after a couple of weeks, if these pills aren’t working, I’m going to get some tests going.” So, it’s coming up on 3 weeks and I feel just awful!

So here’s what my overactive mind found about gall bladder problems:

Problem Gallbladder Symptoms, may include any or all of the following:

  1. Pain or tenderness under the rib cage on the right side
  2. Pain between shoulder blades
  3. Stools light or chalky colored
  4. Fatty stools
  5. Indigestion after eating, especially fatty or greasy foods
  6. Feeling of fullness or food not digesting
  7. Nausea, Vomiting, Dizziness
  8. Bloating, Gas
  9. Burping or belching
  10. Diarrhea
  11. Constipation or frequent use of laxatives (Constipation and weight gain can also be symptoms of gallbladder problems.)
  12. Headache over eyes, especially right eye
  13. Bitter fluid comes up after eating

I have at least 8 of these…whatever that may mean! Maybe nothing. Frankly, I don’t care if it’s some rare, obscure problem, I just want to stop feeling this way. But I do get a weird fluid and taste in my mouth after I eat, so that’s weird!! I’m so sorry it’s all I write about and focus on, but when you feel like this, you can’t think of anything else. Hey Jo and Stinie, want to come over and attack my main floor? It looks like a bomb went off… so frustrating!

Any-who…I’m going to bed now. My tummy is rumbling and gurgling and I taste bike or something; thanks for sharing right??!!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.””Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Ahhhhhhhhhh……

Another Halloween is over. We now have way way to much candy in the house. Maybe it’s a good thing that I feel sicker than a dog, I won’t gain 10 pounds eating candy. I’m going to bed earlier and earlier, because I just feel awful. And, I’m sorry, but my posts are getting shorter and shorter because I feel like shit. I don’t feel like doing anything. I’ve been thinking about my story, but haven’t gotten around to writing any more story posts, because I feel so crappy. So, you’re stuck with me whining about how crappy I feel, which really isn’t fun for anyone. I think I need to get a group of my friends together to come do a cleaning Hee with me, because I’ve been feeling so yucky, that I haven’t been able to keep up with most of the house cleaning. It’s really really bad right now. Argh… I’m calling this dr on Friday if I still feel like this and saying, okay it’s not just constipation, this nausea has got to be something else!! Sigh…that’d be a good and bad luck. It would mean something else is wrong with me, but it may also mean that there is a way to treat this severe nausea.  I’ve also had a low grade fever the past couple days and I’m always just sweating! Ahhhhhhh…..

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.””Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Straightening My Spine 

Wandering aimlessly, nothing to do

Lost and alone, in this life without you

Not understanding, where we went wrong 

Questioning everything, I thought we were strong

Crying endlessly, I can’t make it stop

Angrily wondering, why you let it all drop

Trusting nothing, it’s all I can do 

Straightening my spine, I learned that from you

JKC

(This is just writing!! Nothing personal folks😘)

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.””Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Here We Go Again…

This is getting ridiculous! I can’t help but wonder if something else could be wrong. I feel like I’ve felt sick and nauseated for month now. Sadly that’s not normal, not even a little bit. If this is just due to the constipation, well, weird!!! I don’t even know what to do anymore! I feel like I’ve been living with S tummy flu for months now. Could it be something else?? I remember my friend from college. She felt “fluey”and nauseous for a couple months and we never knew what it was, but it turned out that her appendix was about to burst. Instead of pain, she had constant nausea. I found this online:

Symptoms Of Appendicitis: 

Appendicitis causes a variety of symptoms. Not all people will have the same symptoms, but it’s crucial that you see a doctor as quickly as possible. 

(I don’t have this)

Appendicitis typically involves a gradual onset of dull, cramping, or aching pain throughout the abdomen. (Not true! I have had cramping pain!!!)  As the appendix becomes more swollen and inflamed, it will irritate the lining of the abdominal wall, known as the peritoneum. This causes localized, sharp pain in the right lower part of the abdomen. The pain tends to be more constant and severe than the dull, aching pain that occurs when symptoms start. However, some people may have an appendix that lies behind the colon. Appendicitis that occurs in these people can cause lower back pain (my lower back has been horribly in pain!!) or pelvic pain.

Mild fever. (I don’t have this!)

Appendicitis usually causes a fever between 99°F (37.2°C) and 100.5°F (38°C). You may also have the chills. If your appendix bursts, the resulting infection could cause your fever to rise. A fever greater than 101°F (38.3°) and an elevation in heart rate may indicate that the appendix has ruptured.

Digestive upset. (!!!!! Ding ding ding- we have a winner!!!!)
Appendicitis can cause nausea and vomiting. You may lose your appetite and feel like you can’t eat. You may also become constipated or develop severe diarrhea. If you’re having trouble passing gas, this may be an indication of a partial or total obstruction of your bowel. This may be related to underlying appendicitis.

So here I am diagnosing myself. Hopefully I’m wrong and way off. But-what the hell is wrong with me??? I’m sick to death of feeling this way!  Maybe he’s correct and some simple new constipation meds will make it better…let’s hope it’s something that simple! Sorry to say, but I’m off to bed now. I just feel too Shitty‼️‼️

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Frustrating Day

I finally finally finally got a message from the dr today. I’m stopping those new meds and starting some new constipation medication tomorrow. So, I guess we’ll see if my stomach stops being in pain and if the damn nausea STOPS!!! I feel like I’ve been living with the flu day in and day out! Today was no better. 

To top it all off, my hubby got in a bad car accident today. Luckily he’s not injured and neither is the other dork. I said dork, because for no apparent reason, he just thought that he’d start driving during the middle of a red light. Yup, right smack in the middle. He wasn’t starting early or trying to sneak through a red. He was stopped and then just decided that he was going to start driving. The worst thing is, none of the witnesses of his idiocy stayed around to report it. So, now despite how dumb he was, it’s his word against my hubby’s. We don’t know yet if he’s going to fess up or if he’s going to lie. Fingers crossed that he’s n honest guy…this was the last bloody thing we needed. We were hoping that we could use that car for our daughter when she starts at the airport. We figured if he had to, my hubby could drive the Miata and then the Fusion would be there for her to drive and my van is there for me. Because the light hadn’t just turned green, but was already green, which is why my hubby was going 50-60 Km/hr, as there was no red or yellow light to slow down for. The car’s airbg deployed. There’s enough damage to make it a write-off…damn-it!!! What a mess. Just what we needed. Crap! I don’t know what to do! We have to wait and see if he’s honest and we have to see what it’s appraised at.  SO FRUSTRATED!!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Sicko

Today prettty much feels like a carbon copy of yesterday. Except that in top of the pains and tummy cramps, I got to deal with severe, nausea. So bad that I was gagging and puking. I’m just done feeling this way! Done done done. I’m used to May face hurting. But I’m just worn out – exhausted –  I can’t gets thing done when I feel this way. Driving my son to taekwon-do was difficult. Doing anything with him was hard. I feel bad. He kept wanting to play and the most I could muster up was energy to play a couple of games on the iPad. We played a bowling game a few times, he’s ridiculously good and kicked my butt and we also played hangman together. That was about it. So now I’m feeling guilty for not doing more, but I just feel like shit!!

So, on that note, I’m off to bed! Sorry about the short post!!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Words Words Words 

So, my darn tummy hasn’t slowed down in the pain aspect. Ug! I’m so sick of the pain and cranpyness. I hate it!!  My dr said to call him if the pain persists or if there was no improvement. So I called, yesterday and spoke with his receptionist lady. She told me that she’d give him the message. I called back, 7 hours later when I hadn’t heard back. She said that she gave him the neassage and that I would hopefully hear back by the end of the day. However, of course I didn’t. So I keep feeling like this crap while I wait around for him to get back to me. I’m tired and this SUCKS! I can’t function feeling like this. It just takes over everything and is so so frustrating!!! Ok, I’m sorry, I can’t keep t eyes open. I keep missing so many words that this sounds weird. I have to lie down with the heating pad. Fell asleep again…gosh I’m out of it?? Sorry this sucks today. 

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.””Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Sharry 21

“What time frame did Lucifer give us?” Asked Sharry. “Because, I am still very human and need to sleep now! And no, I’m not sleeping with the students in the barracks. I’m going grab my mother, who is also clearly exhausted and..” both Michael and Jake interrupted saying, “you  guys are not going home!!” “I wasn’t going to say home, as wonderful as that would be, I know it’s not safe right now. No, mom’s office had two couches, you guys can grab us some bedding from your camp-half Angel, oh! I like the sound of that!!” “Honey?” Her mom said.  “Yes mom,”Sharry yawned. “You’re so tired, that you’re starting to ramble! Now one of those couches is a hide-a-bed and the bed is wonderful and, boys?” “Yes” Michael and Jake said in unison. “I have the best bedding already. Don’t you go executing your plan without us?? I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and find you guys gone!!” “No ma’am” they said in unison again. Sharry yawned again and said “goodnight Jake” and kissed his cheek without thinking about who may be watching. He took her hand and walked her into the hallway. “You wouldn’t happen to have a spare t-shirt?”Sharry asked him. He pulled his off and then pulled her into him. She sighed, feeling completely comfortable and at ease. This was her safe place, in Jake’s arms him holding her tight. He looked down into her eyes. “Long crazy day right?” He said. “Yes,” she sighed and stifled a yawn, “just kiss me.” So Jake smiled and complied. His kisses made her melt. She was just about to sigh again when she heard someone clearing his throat. They both stopped and looked at Ezekiel watching them looking stearnly at Jake. “Okay,” Sharry said, “I’m going to bed, we were saying goodnight and you’ve been my dad for like 2hours…I’m not sure if that gives you throat clearing authority yet. Besides, I’m 19, where were you when I was in grade 7 and Bradly Finghauser was in grade 8…and well, never mind!!” She leaned in Kissed Jake on the lips, said goodnight and looked at Ziech and said, “goodnight.” Then yawning, she walked to her mom’s office. 

Her mom had already gotten the bed ready. “Too bad you don’t have a bathroom in this joint mom. We’d be all set!” Sharry said. “Oh honey, of course I have my own bathroom, are you crazy. The only human surrounded by Angels all the time. I needed my own livable space. I even have a mini fridge.” “Wow mom! Nice! Living the life. Where is this bathroom?” “It’s just at the back, that door beside the shelf. I even got you a toothbrush in there!!” “Oh Mamma! You know me so well! I’ll be right back.” Sharry went into the bathroom, “Wow! Even a shower! You rock mom!” She yelled through the door. She splashed water on her face and decided to hop in the shower. After a quick rinse, hair washed, teeth brushed, Jake’s shirt smelling like him, she felt so much better. When she went back into the office her mom was sipping a scotch, “drink?” She asked. “Not tonight mom. I’m beat. But, I gotta ask mom. Is this really where you’ve been ‘working’ for the past 21 years?? When you tell me you’re going to the office, this is where you come??” Her mom sighed, “yes hon. Yes it is.”  “Huh…there’s so much that I want to know mom, but for now, I’m hitting the hay! I am so tired.” Her mom nodded and smiled,”you can ask me anything and now I can tell you!! You have no idea how happy that makes me feel! I love you darling. Night Night.” “Night mom,” Sharry said yawning again. She climbed into bed laid her head in the pillow, sighed and closed her eyes. 

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.””Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”