Declaring her love for him with a strange mixture
Of veiled threats and promises.
Dripping with pain and regret.
Waiting for his satirical response.
Never straight language received from him.
Just ridicule, mockery and sarcasm drip from his mouth!
Wondering why her heart chooses the pain,
Sensing she lost herself years ago.
She clings to the idea of him, feeling a shell of a person.
Needing him to fill her emptiness with something warm and smooth,
He high fives her and hands her a shot of whiskey.
Glaring at his chosen ignorance she shoots him a look then bows her head.
Wondering how much more she can handle.
He chooses that moment to smile his dark smile,
The one that drew her into this trouble in the beginning.
His dark smile, dark eyes, dark secrets…
Should she have known that all of that darkness was a sign?
Perhaps a warning bell chiming his arrival?
It’s too late for her to look back at those times, so long ago…
Now she’s full of the dark smiles too, he taught her how not to feel!
Ironic isn’t it, when all she had wanted on that first night,
Was someone to make her feel – something, anything to fill the emptiness.
She thinks maybe he’s right about the whiskey and she shoots it back.
Slams the glass down, earning another dark grin from him.
This time she grins back.
Thinking, knowing that there’s gotta be something better than this.
She scrapes up the courage and goes to stand,
Just as she stands and he does the same,
He moves towards her and pulls her into his arms.
She tenses then melts and draws in his musky smell.
Will this be the last time she gets to do that?
They say you can’t try to change someone,
But, man! If he could only grow a bigger heart…
She knows what’s on his mind and wants to melt into him.
Should she leave the leaving for another day?
He senses she’s not with him and draws back to look at her face.
He sees something different in her eyes,
Something he’s never seen before and fear bubbles up his throat.
He knew from the start she was too good for him!
Why’d he have to go and fall in love with her!
He’s never found himself in this situation.
Actually thought the possibility of it ever happening was negligible.
Looking into her hazel eyes he whispers the word, “no”
He sees the tears forming in her eyes.
He catches the first tear with his finger.
He feels weak kneed and thinks that he may collapse without her.
In a shaky voice he repeats his sentiment, “no please.”
She’s unable to respond through the tears and lump in her throat.
“You have no light”, she says.
You have no heart, she thought.
“Why do you even pretend to care?” she asks.
Shocked he responds by grabbing each of her hands and holding them gently.
“But I love you” he says.
Stunned she doesn’t know what to say,
She just stares at him.
He holds and strokes her hands with such tenderness.
“Who are you?” She asks.
“You, speaking of love, being tender and sweet?”
“Who are you?”
“Which man is the real one?”
“The brash, hard, cold, dark, bad one?”
“Because that’s the only man you’ve ever been with me.”
They stare at each other in silence.
Can she still walk away? she wonders.
Was that a mistake? Is there more beneath that tough shell?
Just as she’d originally told herself. Love? Wow?
All this going on in her head as he just stares at her.
His dark eyes, for the first time, vulnerable and open.
“You love me?” She asks
“Why the tough-guy facade?”
He shrugs and starts to speak, but stops himself.
“Look, I was leaving, now. So if there’s more going on with you, now’s the time” she says.
“It’s a long story” he mumbles
She sits back down, pours another couple of shots,
Slides one across the table toward the chair he’d been sitting in.
“I’ve got time” she says.
“Maybe you’re better off leaving,” he says, his bravado somewhat returning.
But she can see, now, that his hearts not in it.
He sits down, throws back the shot and starts to talk…
I just started writing and that’s what came out. Should I keep going? Or leave it be….?
Please let me know what you think in the comments. Thanx.
To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”