So my little man feels about a million times better today…Hooray!! He’s not 100%, but on the mend. And, so far, no one else is sick. Which is a miracle around my house. We tend to pass our germs around. My tummy is a bit nauseous today, but so far that’s all. My hubby’s work x-mas party is tomorrow, so I refuse to get sick! I’m always cancelling on him, because of my damn face pain, and I don’t want to cancel, yet again! I don’t really know a lot of the people who work with him, so I always feel a bit anxious leading up to his work events. I don’t know when I turned into the shy, fat girl – but I know that’s how I feel right now. Of course I’ve met most of the people he works with, but I always feel awkward. I used to be more out-going and confident, but that part of me seems to have slipped away… I hope I feel okay-ish on the face pain front. I know it’s rarely gone, but there are good and bad days and I’m hoping tomorrow is one of the good ones. Today hasn’t been great, but that doesn’t mean much, as it’s pretty unpredictable. Being in pain and feeling uncomfortable at the same time make it worse. I then think I come across as snotty-which is not my intention at all! I just turn into myself more when the pain’s really bad. Like now for instance. Just want to curl into a ball with my ice-pack on my face, my eye mask on and Enya playing as I fall asleep. My plan is not to bail on my hubby, again, unless I’m either throwing-up sick (not just nauseous) or my face is at the tears in my eyes level. Otherwise, I will take my meds and go out with my husband!!

Speaking of going out with my love. I just want to quickly write about the wonderful gift that he got me for Christmas. He bought me one of those huge oversized “moms” calendar. On each side he had 6 envelopes taped to it. In each envelope there is a “date” for us to go on each month!! He has prepaid movie cards in some. Dinner gift cards. A jubilations gift card, one for Sorrentinos, etc etc!!! I didn’t open all of the envelopes,to keep most of them as surprises. It’s just so sweet and well thought out. I was shocked, because he’s always worried about money. He said that this way everything is already paid for, so he won’t be cranky about the money aspect, which will be so great!! It is such an amazing Christmas present. I’m so lucky to have him, which is why I don’t want to let him down tomorrow. He already told everyone I am going to be there. He’s done so before, then shows up alone and has to tell everyone that, yet again, “Jenn had to stay home again, because she doesn’t feel well.” I’m so lucky to have him. He is so understanding regarding all of my health shit. He hates it all, as do I, but he’s kind and loving about it. I think he also hates that he can’t “fix it!”  Men, well most or many men, want to make it better, fix things. They want to do this and this etc, until it is solved and put back together. But, he can’t “fix” me. I’m broken in a way that leaves him feeling helpless. Which leads to frustration and even anger. He just can’t take it away and make things all better. If a top neurosurgeon can’t fix me, by cutting into my brain and moving things around in an attempt to make me better, then, of course, my husband can’t fix me!!! I guess I’m just broken. It’s not his fault and I don’t expect him to make it better. I just have to go through each day based on how I feel. If it’s bad, well then I can’t do much, if it’s okay or so-so, then I try to get things done etc. It’s just one day at a time and accepting that that’s how I have to live. In the moment.  I have to take what I get. I have to accept this and so does he. I love him so much. I sometimes feel like such a burden…

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!