This morning I actually woke up, on my own, around 9:30. For me this is nothing short of a miracle! I know I may get some eye rolls and/or head shakes, but I have what many of my chronic-pain/TN buddies call “painsomnia”. It’s insomnia for us chronic-pain folk!  I really thought I was going crazy (my hubby still thinks I am – lol) always being up super late, unable to fall asleep, feeling restless and agitated. I really thought that something (else) might be wrong with me. My schedule just manages to get more and more messed up!  However, once I finally got into TN/chronic-pain support groups online, I discovered that it wasn’t just me! Yay! Normalization! I mean seriously!! These people get up late and are up half the night, even if it’s unplanned and/or unintended. You have no idea how great that made me feel. “You mean I’m not the only one who feels like I desperately need sleep, but I can’t ever get to sleep and still feel completely wiped even when I do sleep?!” How cool is normalization?! It’s one of the reasons support groups are so damn helpful! You finally get to talk to other people who understand, I mean truly and completely understand what you’re feeling. I’m not saying I don’t have people in my life who empathize, because I do. No. What I’m saying is people who are in almost the exact same situation. Because, let’s be real here. Nerve pain is super hard to describe to someone who has never experienced it! My hubby had shingles years ago (before I ever got sick) and to be 100% honest, I didn’t really “get” the pain that he was experiencing. By the way he was screaming out in pain, I could obviously tell it was bad, (because I have one of those stubborn guys who can be sicker than a dog, yet refuse to admit anything is wrong, until he ends up with pneumonia or, you know, shingles!!) so I knew it must be really awful, but I didn’t truly understand. We now actually say it’s a good thing he has had shingles, because he does “get” what nerve pain is like. He remembers how just a bed sheet brushing against his skin made him want to leap out of his skin in pain! He says that he can’t imagine what that would be like on your face, all the time!! (And, welcome to my life!) So, my hubby may not get the whole “painsomnia” thing, but there are people out there that do! Yay!! That helps me feel less alone during those nights when I lie there and just can’t, for the life of me sleep, with or without pain, regardless of how tired or plain exhausted I may be. He thinks if you’re A, then do B. So, if you’re tired, sleep! If you’re stomach feels nauseous, get sick. If you have horrible gas pains in your gut, fart! Etc Etc…The problem is, his “logic” is often too simple. Like, jeeze, if I could fart, don’t you think I bloody would?? Come on! I’m in pain, because the gas is so bad, if there was a simple solution, of course I’d do it! Well, the same is true with me and sleep. I mean who chooses “painsomnia”?? Obviously it isn’t a conscious choice or something I do for fun – lol!! I just really enjoy the fact that I’m not quite so much of an odd-ball after all (Hee Hee)!!  So, after all this talk about sleep and insomnia, I’m going to head to bed and see how I do tonight! Generally I don’t sleep as well when I’m not at home, in my own bed. However, I’m so tired that I think I should fall asleep fairly easily tonight. I just hope it doesn’t shift into an up half the night thing tonight! But I’m starting to have a difficult time functioning and even keeping my eyes open. So, that’s a good sign I’d say. And I’m off to bed. Night all😘

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

What a looooong day‼️ My alarm went off at 4:30am and it’s now 11:45 (Alberta time), 19 hours later! Yuppers, that’s what I call a long day! We had a safe drive (obviously) and made it here in one piece (I don’t know if I really get that expression – I think it’s the first time I’ve ever actually said it.)  With three kids (that’s including our 18 year old, who I guess technically isn’t a kid…), two dogs (one who up-chucked everything before we even reached Red Deer, sigh.) my hubby and myself we made pretty good time. The longest stop was in Canmore. We didn’t intend to be there for very long, just long enough to grab breaky, let the dogs walk around and have a bathroom break.  However, when my middle daughter and I went into the Timmy’s the line up was to the door! It was ridiculous! We literally stood in line, just for a few damn breakfast sandwiches, for FOURTY FIVE MINUTES!! My oldest was texting us from the van asking us to “hurry up” like we were standing around for fun or something. The line out the door should have been a tell, I’d think!  

Okay, I’m sorry, I know this is short, but I’m literally stopping in the middle of a thought and falling asleep! I also have a hurting, damn face and I truly just can’t keep my eyes open! Here’s some Jenn self-care for you…the “old” Jenn would have forced herself to carry-on and write more than what I have here. However, the new Jenn, who takes care of herself and her needs, is deciding that the best thing to do is stop for the night and go to bed!! I’m not even going to say sorry, again, because I shouldn’t be apologizing for taking care of myself!! So, until tomorrow! 💤💤💤💤

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

I must inform you, right off the bat, that I probably won’t be writing a long post today! I’m exhausted because I couldn’t sleep last night. Sooo hard to even keep my eyes open! I had to wake up early because we had to take the van in and get two new front tires put on. My hubby was just planning on rotating the tires, but he couldn’t get them off. He asked the guys who were changing the oil if they would and the guy told him that we need new ones. So my hubby and I decided that, even though we can’t really afford to, we should do the safe thing and get the tires. Anyway, I’m feeling super tired tonight and we, well my hubby, wants to leave tomorrow morning at about 5:00am. So I can’t go to bed late tonight. And I’m feeling frustrated because my face has been bugging me on and off today. It’s been fairly good recently, but it just has to start acting up when we’re heading out of town. That’s Murphy’s law for you! My daughter had her last day at dance camp today and they had a short little “show” for the parents this afternoon. She did really well! I think that they had a great week. They sure worked hard, you could tell that they had a long, full week! Afterwards, we finally connected with another family from Beaumont. Their daughter dances three of the four nights that our daughter dances. So, we’re going to do the logical thing this dance season and car-pool with them. That will be super helpful. Especially when my hubby is working out of town and I’m not feeling well!!  Here’s some fun photos of my baby-dancing-girl:

Okay, she’s not exactly a “baby” anymore, she’s turning 14 at the end of the month, but she’ll always be my baby! I think I’m going to call it a night and head off to bed. It’s almost 11:00 & 4:30 in the morning will come quickly! Night all😴😴😴

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Pokemon Go…any bites?? Opinions?? Thoughts?? First thing that pops into your head when you hear, Pokemon Go? Fun/annoying/exercise… I think I already talked about Pokemon Go on here a while ago, so I won’t go on forever about it. I just have to say…”I WANT MY PHONE BACK!!!” And that is all. (Yes, I’m somewhat or highly joking. Yes, it was my choice to get it on my phone for my son and I. Yes, it’s my phone and I can have it if I want it (and I do take it if/when I need it). It just occasionally makes me question my sanity when I made the decision to get this game for my son and myself. He’s only 6 and gets so excited about it and I worry about my phone getting damaged. I take good care of my phone. Because it’s never been broken and neither has the iPad that he uses, I think he doesn’t truly get that they are not toys and that they can break very easily. I always say, “be very careful” and, of course, he says, “I will!” However, those are just words, if you know what I mean. Of course he’s going to say that. What else would he say?! “I’m going to run, jump and play around while I have your phone, hopefully I don’t drop it!” Yah, right. So, I don’t see a solution for this. There’s no way in bleep that we’re getting our 6 year old his own phone! NOT going to happen. Especially not just so he can play a game. That’d be ridiculous! I guess I just have to try to be with him while he’s playing and watch him like a hawk. If I see him being lackadaisical I will take my phone away for a certain amount of time, so that he understands and learns (hopefully) that he must be careful or he can’t play his game. (yes, I actually just used the word lackadaisical in a sentence!!!) And that is all on Pokemon Go. Really, that’s it! PS: We caught Pikachu yesterday!!

I’ve been so on the ball with my posts the last few days. All this talk about self-care, being present, parenting, and tonight I talk about Pokemon Go – lol. I guess that I can’t be serious all the time. One of the things I do want to get more serious about is personal development. Not like workshops or conferences or that kind of thing. What I’m referring to is reading good books that help you improve yourself. One of the things that I really love about Beachbody is that they encourage Personal Development. Actually, encourage is not the best word. Reading personal development is one of their “vital behaviours”. They mean vital, as in, absolutely vital to your business. That if you’re stumbling over certain things, struggling with getting certain things completed, if you’re too stressed, if you’re stuck, well I could go on all day. The point is, if you’re struggling with anything there’s likely a book about it that can help you overcome whatever the problem is, even business problems. There are many PD books for business people. I just love that this is a priority for this company! They want to help people and want you to help people. They don’t want to turn you into a “salesperson”. They want you to get to know people. Their situation their struggles. So that you’re not just selling them a product. You figure out where they’re at and what they need to help them move forward. What would work for them, specifically is important. Beachbody has SO many health and fitness programs, products and supplements that it’s not just making a sale. If you don’t set your people up for success and support them all along the way, you haven’t done your job. So this also appeals to me. The problem for me is expanding my network. Where do you find these “people” to help? Helping people is right up my alley. I just need to decide if this is something that I truly want to legitimately give a try. I know I’ve been doing it for a while. However, I’ve just been using the programs (although I recently fell off the wagon) and, of course, drinking Shakeology. I have been reading some of the books for PD too. However, I haven’t been giving the business side of things my all; if you know what I mean. Of course at Summit, all we talked and heard about was the business side of things. I mean, that’s the whole reason, or at least the main reason, people go. Is that why I went? Is this something I’m going to try to do? I need to seriously decide. Summit helped me to see it in a different light. Seeing the CEO and creators of the products and the trainers and hearing them speak changed my perspective. As was obvious in one of my posts, I learned more about the drink, Shakeology and all that’s in it. But that’s not really what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about these kind, compassionate, dedicated people who want to help make the world a healthier and better place. They truly care about helping people! I was surprised by their humanity, if that makes sense. So many people think, “Oh, that’s MLM (multi level marketing)” or  “It’s just a pyramid scheme” (true pyramid schemes are illegal). I feel like I don’t want to be judged the instant someone hears what I do! (If I actually am going to commit to doing it!) This from the girl who just wrote about “not caring what other people think!” I am trying to get better…well end my sentence right there! If I use the word “trying” it’s a cop-out. Saying “trying” gives me an out. An excuse. If I mess up I can just say “I’m trying”…Ug! I need to speak assuredly and say, “I don’t care about what other people think.” Not, “I’m trying not to care about what other people think.” Do you hear the difference there?? When you add the word trying?? Here’s my perfectly relevant Yoda quote, “Do. Or do not. There is no Try.” (I use this one on my kids too! So it’s only fair that I use it on myself!!) It’s late and I should be sleeping!! I just need to make a decision about Beachbody…I can’t continue this half-assed approach! It’s either yes or no. And if it’s yes, I need to commit to working a certain number of hours a day or week or something. I have to get organized about it or it just won’t happen. We have a long drive to BC on Saturday. That gives me plenty of time to think things through. I could say more, but I’m just too tired. So, until tomorrow. 😴😴😴😴

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” -James Thurber.

I need to learn, or rather, practice living in the moment, being truly present. It is SO easy to get caught-up in the past. To go over and over a scenario or situation where someone wronged you. We just dig right in, don’t we? Venting to our friends, complaining to our families, or even just thinking about it repeatedly in our heads. We can just get so lost in our feelings and rehashing the situation that we lose ourselves in the past. We’re not fully present for our families, our children. We’re so busy fuming inside, about whatever happens to be bothering us, that we aren’t fully present. This is hurting us, our relationships and it also keeps us stuck in a past event. (Okay, I know I keep saying us and/or you, when this is really about me! Others may find themselves in similar situations and can relate, but in saying us and you I am not intending to criticize anyone specific or anything!) There needs to be a better way. There must be. I’m trying to work on myself. (If you haven’t noticed yet!) I have discovered that I need to think of the lesson. This happened to me and really sucked…what did I learn from this experience that may help me later? If I can get myself to the lesson, it kind of reframes the situation for me. It shows me a different way of looking at it and finding the answer to “Why does this always happen to me??” Well, I’m sorry to say it, but we will continue attracting the same situations to us if we don’t find the lesson and then change how you respond the next time it happens!! I know that this is easy to say and much more difficult to do in reality. However, it is something that I, personally, have to work on. 

Another thing that I tend to do a lot is worry. I worry about everything. This throws me into the future. Events that haven’t even happened yet, I’ve hashed out and worried about and stressed about. Generally speaking, I catastrophize (yes, I spelled that wrong, but you must know what I mean right??) I turn things that haven’t happened yet into a worst case scenario in my head. They say (whomever the hell “they” are) that awareness is the first step. I’m so very aware of my worrying and I’m really wanting to change this behaviour. Badly! This lovely habit also keeps me out of the present moment, because I’m preoccupied thinking and worrying about something! So, here as well, I must find the lesson. Or if I’m worrying about next to nothing and it all turns out fine, the only lesson is, chill the hell out! Seriously!! I decided that I need to counteract my worries with a mantra that suits the situation. For instance, instead of worrying about our drive to BC, hating some of those  roads we have no choice but to go on, I will repeat to myself, or out loud if I actually need to drown out the worries! “We will get to my parent’s BC house safe and sound!” Then any time I find myself drifting into worry – ville, I just repeat my positively reframed mantra. I’ve been doing this a lot and I believe it helps me. 

My goal in all of this is to find a way to remain in the present moment as often as possible. To truly experience and live life. This is my life and I want to enjoy it and be present in it. I don’t want to look back and feel regret after regret. Life is a gift. Celebrate it. Enjoy it, live it to the fullest!! Take care of yourself and go to bed before 2:00am…(oops)

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

I read an inspiring article today. It was a short, simple article in the free magazine that I get from the grocery store called, “The Mosaic, mind.body.spirit.health.wisdom.” I’ve always been drawn to this magazine. There is something about it that feels right with it. Anyway the article was called, “Sadhguru’s Tips On Good Parenting”, by Isha Sadhguru. I love the tips! I love how he starts off by basically saying that all kids are unique, therefore they need different levels of attention, expressions of love and toughness. So true! I totally remembered back to when I was working and I would have parents with a “troubled” child and they would say something like, “we did all the exact same things with Johnny and he’s doing just fine!” I’d always say, well so and so isn’t Johnny. They are different people with unique needs and desires!! What one child responds to may very well not work at all with a sibling. My 6 year old is going through a stage (I hope – lol) where he thinks he’s right, period. There is no changing his stubborn little mind! Our younger daughter would have listened and said, ” Okay. Thanks Mommy.” No five minute or longer, in depth discussions where I must logically explain why something is the way it is. And, five minutes doesn’t always do it…Anyway, moving right along. There were 10 tips and I love them all!! So here’s a mini version for you!! 

1. A Child is a Privilege. (Pretty self explanatory)
2. Let Them Be.  (Let them become whatever they have to become…)
3. True Love. (Basically described as not overindulging, just what is needed. “When you truly love someone, you are willing to be unpopular and still do what is best for them.”)
4. There’s No Hurry to Grow Up.  (Basically meaning that a child needs to remain a child.)
5. It Is Time To Learn Not Teach. (I love this one! “If your child knows more joy than you, who is better qualified to be a consultant about life? When a child arrives it is time to learn, not teach.”)
6. Children are naturally spiritual. (Generally something or someone, like parents, teachers, society, television meddles with them too much. “The child will become naturally spiritual without even knowing the word spirituality, as it is natural for human intelligence to seek; the important thing to do is not provide standard answers.”)
7. Provide A Supportive And Loving Atmosphere. (Pretty self explanatory)
8. Maintain A Friendly Relationship. (“Create a strong friendship, rather than being the boss.” Don’t sit on a pedestal, both literally and figuratively. “Place yourself below the child, so that it is easy for the child to talk to you.”
9. Avoid Seeking Respect.  (“Love is what you seek with your children, isn’t it? Yes, you came a few years earlier, are bigger in body and you know a few survival tricks, but in what way are you a better life than your child?”)
10. Make Yourself Truly Attractive. (“A child is influenced by so many things – television, neighbors, teachers, school and a million other things. He/she will go the way of whatever he/she finds most attractive…If you are a joyous, intelligent and wonderful person…For anything, he/she will come and ask you.”)

He finishes off by saying, “If you are genuinely interested in giving your children a good upbringing, you should first transform yourself into a peaceful, loving and blissfull human being.” 

I like his end comment about transforming yourself first! I’m not calling myself the best parent in the world. I believe we all make mistakes, parents and children. However, my hubby and I have jokingly said, on more than one occasion, that we think that there should be a mandatory parenting test or class/workshop or something to help people be more prepared and to help with, like he just said above, transforming yourself! I have no problem apologizing to my kids if I overreact or whatever. I know I’m not perfect, my kids know I’m not perfect, but I try my best to be a good mom. It’s such an important job, raising children. Also, it is a blessing. I may have regrets in life, but my children will never be one of them!!

Hope you enjoyed this one. I loved writing it!! Night all💤💤

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

If only I could learn to practice what I preach! I used to find myself feeling guilty of that, back in the “old days” when I had an actual career. I would work with a family or parents or whomever and I would talk to them about certain techniques, things to try at home, like parenting tools, relationship work or perhaps communication activities. Half the time I’d find that I didn’t actually do some of the things that I was encouraging my clients to do. I know I’m definitely not an “expert” or anything. I mean I’m certainly not one of those who believes that they are so much better than everyone else. I don’t expect people to look up to me or be inspired by me, I find myself surprised and honoured when I’m told that I do inspire…

So, I talk about practicing self-care and then, the following day I have a hard hitting migraine and, do I stay home and relax as I should?? Nope! Of course not. That would only have been too logical and would have made too much sense. And here I sit, far too late again, still enduring that damn migraine! I could have stayed home, taken care of myself and written this then, so that I could go to bed at a far better time! Do I recognize my mistake? Yes. Have I done this before? Yes. Will it happen again? Probably. 

However, (here’s where I explain my “excuse” for making the decision that I made tonight) when you have a really shitty disease that effects and disrupts you and your families life continuously, you begin to experience guilt. A LOT of guilt! I don’t know, because I’ve lost count, how many times I’ve had to turn people down, change or cancel plans and most often the plans being derailed are family plans. Maybe my kids understand, maybe they’ll grow up and need tons of therapy. Maybe my hubby understands, maybe he’ll grow to resent me…time will only tell. He and my children say that they understand. They’ve seen me at my worst and know that the pain that comes with TN is no joke. I only pray that they truly do understand and hold forgiveness in their hearts, because this damn disease isn’t going anywhere! There are cases of people going into periods of “remission” and maybe I’ll have that luck some day. However, until that good fortune occurs, I’m left cancelling, changing plans, disrupting things, etc. This does not and should not mean that I’m not allowed to practice self-care. However, I know that I’m hard on myself and feel guilty about how my health plays out. Yet I still need to take care of myself and my needs. I should not feel guilty for doing so. 

When you’re sick, it often makes things “all about you” and I don’t want it to be like that. I have to find balance. I, obviously, did not choose to get sick. I really don’t want things to be “all about me”. When they are that way, it makes my wanting to do things for myself come across as selfish. Like, “it’s always about you and now you want to…”(whatever it may be.) (Keep in mind, my family doesn’t actually say that, I just over-think things and wonder if that’s what they’re thinking. It’s that old self-critic running the show.) However, I’m trying to practice self-care. If I do so, perhaps I won’t have as many pain episodes…who knows?? I do know that I should print my list that I made yesterday and listen to myself – for once! I also need to believe my family’s words, not what I think they may be thinking. If that makes any sense. If they say that they don’t mind, okay then, they don’t mind, period. Not, I know they said that they don’t mind, but it’s really gotta make them angry that I’m doing this…I am not a child, I need to put my big girl shoes on and accept what they say at face value. At the end of the day, they said yes, it’s fine, then it’s fine. No more  creating drama in my head. I’m just creating unnecessary stress for myself. And if it turns out that they truly didn’t want me to do something, then that is on them for not being forthcoming in the first place. 

So, I’m officially saying goodbye to guilt! It won’t be easy, I’ve functioned this way for as long as I can remember, but it’s starting to wear on me. Bye Bye guilt, hello freedom!!

So, I embark on a journey that includes self-care, without feeling guilt!! Bye bye guilty Jenn.  (It actually takes a physical weight off of my shoulders when I say that out loud. Obviously I’m onto something here!!) I’m adding the guilt-free part to my self-care list!!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

I was tired today. All day. I’m not sure why…but I had a difficult time simply keeping my eyeyes open! I had a headache and felt pukey…so I lied back down this afternoon. Finally, I remembered that, as part of my journey to health and happiness and joy and contentment,  I want, no need to get better at self-care. This may seem simple. But as a women and especially as a mother, I struggle to put myself first! I understand that it will be a better “me” that they will have to live with. It’s also difficult, though I truly understand the importance of self-care, however, there are many many judgers out there. And then I worry about people thinking I’m lazy, and calling me selfish.  Sadly, the more women begin to take care of their own needs first, the more they are labelled as selfish! The sad thing is that numerous studies show that women who take care of their own needs first are happier and more content and, therefore bring patience, understanding, empathy, calmness and happiness to the table. All positive traits that are necessary to keep things moving smoothly, but that damn “selfish” label just gets in my way!! I know that I feel better once all of the things that I need to do are completed. Instead of feeling stressed and worrying about it in the back of my mind (which uses a huge chunk of my energy), I feel ready to take on the day. I just know that there’s a huge difference in my behaviour depending upon whether or not I’ve taken care of myself! I also want to be a positive role-model for my kids. They need to know that it’s important to take care of your own needs. If I was so beat that I couldn’t even keep my eyes open, in the middle of the afternoon, I clearly need to lie down for a rest. So I did. Here’s the thing, even though a part of me did enjoy the well-needed rest, another part felt guilty! Was anyone angry? No. Did they freak out and get mad at me? No. And here’s the takeaway point of the day:

1. Stop worrying about what others think!!
2. The only one expending energy on anxiety is you, everyone else could care less!
3. Stop being your own worst critic
4. Take care of your needs, FIRST (if you’re feeling good and content, helping others is more effective and enjoyable and you don’t find resentment sneaking up!)
5. Self-care is ESSENTIAL! Do something kind for or to yourself/take care of yourself everyday

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

So, this may not work tonight. Either my phone or my WordPress app is glitchy tonight. I started writing this and it wouldn’t save for me (nope, I lost it all) it’s saying that there’s no internet connection. However, in settings it says that wifi is working and it does work in other apps. So now I’m attempting to write this in my notes section. That way, if it’s still not saving or has problems with the internet connection, I won’t lose whatever I’ve written like I did just beforehand. 
Today was not an exciting day. We had to get groceries (went to Costco). The pet store was second, needed fish food. Then later we watched a bit of the Olympic opening ceremonies (recorded from the night before). There were some cool things, but, I’m sorry to say – but I’m only being honest – I find the opening ceremonies to be pretty boring. “Ah! Sacrilege!!!” you may say. But I’m just telling my view on it. You may disagree 100%, and that’s fine! I’m not one of those people who tend to think that they are right and only right, period! Nor do I need to be right. Nope, I’m actually probably the polar-opposite of that. I believe that there are many ways to accomplish a task. It does not have to be only completed the “right” way. Or, at least, I don’t believe so! I’m good with my opinion being my own and yours being your own. If there are certain things that we must agree upon, likely the answer would be found in the middle ground. I’m not really sure why I’m even talking about this. I guess it just sort of came up. I live with a couple of people in my family who are the type who think they’re always right. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but it can be maddening if you disagree with them on certain things, when it’s their way or the highway…I be like, “well then, maybe I’m going for a drive on that very highway”-lol!! I know it’s not literal, it was just amusing to me – Hee Hee! I’m sooo sleepy tonight and I don’t know why. I’m going to see if the app is working yet!!

Huh. Still not working! Looks like this short-arse post will be sitting here in my notes for a while longer. Hopefully I’m able to actually post this tonight. I hate when I’m behind, even if I’m already done the next get before. 

Well, here goes. I’m going to check. My eyes are soooo tired that they are shutting constantly! Then I totally lose my train of thought! Frustrating!!! Damn!! It’s still not working! Argh! It’s really very frustrating! Oh well, as Jocelyn would say, “positivity”!!! 

Oh! I just remembered something. My daughter was in my settings changing apps and the automatic use of wifi off. So, obviously, this app needs it turned on in order to work correctly! So all I had to do was go under cellular in my settings and find the WordPress app in the list and switch the wifi usage back on! So, thankfully, it is now working. Wow. Talk about boring posts. Gee! Don’t I have a riveting life??!!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

I finally left the house today! Other than checking in on my parent’s house, I’ve been a bit of a hermit since I got home from Nashville. I wish that it wasn’t so damn easy to wear me out! I wish I didn’t get tired as easily as I do and, well, I just wish that my body was healthy 100% – inside and out! I’ve been saying positive, reframed things to myself, in an attempt to attract health into my life. Things like:, “I am healthy and happy”, “I am healthy in body,mind, spirit and soul”, “I am 100%healthy and any remnants of disease is being flushed out of my body”, “I have absolutely no health concerns”etc.etc.  These help in many ways. Learning to reframe negative thoughts and beliefs into more positive and powerful ones help us change our lives bit by bit. If you believe that “we are our thoughts”, like I do. If I hadn’t tried to start reframing what I say and think, if I hadn’t started writing this blog, I’d be the past Jenn, only even wors, I would probably now be about 300lbs, still clinically depressed, taking Ativan for anxiety, completely down and feeling sorry for myself and last, but most definitely not least, I would probably still be practically bed-ridden due to debilitating, cruel pain! If you believe me, thanks for having my back. However, if you’re inclined to believe that thoughts are just thoughts, how could it possibly have such a profound effect on my life, feel free to scroll backwards to my posts at the beginning of this journey. I was really a downer, it was difficult to read (according to numerous family and friends) the depression is what did most of the talking, as well as the pain. They ruled my life. I literally functioned based on what the pain and depression needed. I was told repeatedly how I made people cry. How they couldn’t keep reading. How awful it made them feel. People who were close to me, who I thought knew how acutely I was suffering! Yet, nope! They didn’t. I lost count how many times I heard “I didn’t know it was that bad.” I am always clear when I talk to people about Trigeminal Neuralgia and it’s impact on my life. I don’t stutter or sugar-coat it. I tell people that it is the most painful disorder known to humankind. Then they start reading my posts and they’re suddenly all worried and freaking out, because “I didn’t realize how bad it got.” I mean, what do they imagine when they hear “the most painful disorder known to humankind”, or “It’s often called the suicide disease, because the pain is so unbearable and difficult to treat that many people take their own lives to escape the pain!!” Again, does that not put an awful picture in your mind’s eye? Why the shock then, when I post on bad days? I’m not here to make people feel sorry for me or anything. I wanted to be real about whatever I write; to talk in the moment, about whatever may be flying through my brain. I wanted to just get down how I’m feeling, even when I’m feeling shitty to the max. I didn’t want to holdback, I didn’t want there to be a right and/or wrong with regards to my writing. I hoped people would relate and I thought that it would help me if I had a place to just let it all out. 

I am trying to move away from the annoying habit where I worry tremendously about what others think. I feel weird holding back in my writing. But, of course, I still really do care!  So, if I’ve offended you, upset you, made you cry, or anything else, I do care about you and your emotional reaction! Maybe it means that you now truly get how bad this can be. Maybe it helps you see how depression can suck you down into a black hole. Maybe it introduced you to the true Jenn. Whatever it is, I appreciate the read guys! I tend to say sorry about everything, however, I’m not apologizing for telling it like it is. I’m not sorry for my writing. On the contrary actually, I want to find a way to publish this blog and get it out there. To teach others about TN, Depression and other silent diseases, also, to get my name out there as an “author!!” An actual, real deal author!! For the first time the other day, while I was talking to a lady in Nashville, she asked me what I do and I told her that I’m a writer‼️‼️‼️Yay me!! It felt right to me. However, I need to get something published before calling myself a true writer…right?? Does my poem count??

Anyway, I’m beat! I’m heading off to bed! Night night💤😴💤😴💤😴

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”