A day of fun

Full of laughter

A day of smiles

Filled with chatter

Time spent with family 

With colouring and games

Time spent together 

With movies and candle flames

Time spent together

With giggles and joy

Time spent with family

With pleasure and toys

Full of lady bugs 

A day of play

Filled with hugs

A day of love 

JK

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

For Christmas my hubby bought me 12 gift cards for restaurants and movie passes, etc so that we could go on at least one date per month. It was a very sweet and thoughtful gift. The problem is, or rather, the sad thing is we’ve fallen about 4 months behind on our dates!! Not intentionally of course! I think life just gets busy and then you blink and a months’s gone by. That’s what it feels like at least. Time just rolls on and if you don’t prioritize these kind of things they just won’t happen. I mean, that’s my perspective. Obviously it may not be the case for everyone. So tonight we used a gift card for dinner and a movie pass afterwards. We actually had two for the restaurant, but we didn’t need both. It’s nice to go out without the kids. To be able to talk without being interrupted seems like a rare thing. Not that I have super rude kids or anything, it just always seems loud and busy, so just sitting quietly and chatting is a rare thing. There’s always something else going on, it seems. It may get better once I get my little man to bed at more normal times, since school begins next week! I have been getting him to bed earlier and it gives me quiet time that I use to write this. However, if I start writing it during the day, while the kids are in school, I can hopefully be with my hubby post-bedtime. Although, with older kids it’s rarely just the two of us up once our little man’s in bed. Our oldest usually goes to bed at the same time as me. My hubby will stay up late playing video games or watching tv, I’m usually spending that time writing. But even to be sitting by him while writing would be nice. I usually do it sitting in bed, but a change in location may be in order, if I do continue writing this at night. I used to sit by him reading, while he was playing a game or watching tv, so, it may be time to resurrect those old habits. Ew! (I’m eating some of those little “Jelly Belly” jelly beans and I just had a nasty one! Blech! I didn’t see what colour it was, but it tasted awful!)

I’ve felt super tired since we got home after visiting my parents. I have zero energy and have accomplished little. I told that publishing guy that I’d read over all of the information he sent me (which I’ve done) and that I’d get my posts into document form (he said Microsoft Word, but apparently we don’t have Word. So I’m hoping Google Docs will work. The thing is, I haven’t done it yet. He wanted to write me a proposal, but he needed to have an idea of the word count of my “manuscript” (all official sounding). Technically, I don’t even really have a “manuscript” yet. Just a whole bunch of blog posts. I need to go back to my first post and post by post, copy and paste them, in order, as a document. It sounded simple, but it’s more work than I thought doing that. I have a lot of posts to go through. Once I have them all together. I am going to read through them and my mom is also going to proof read them. She’s an awesome proof reader, she always helped me with my essays and writing when I was in school. I haven’t really gone back and read through anything. I usually post it and then move onto the next one. I am looking forward to actually reading it all from beginning to end (wherever that ends up being…). Once I have his proposal, I will have a better idea of his recommendations and the cost. Then I have to figure out the money part of things. There is a promotion going on until the end of August. However, that may be too soon. I’m not sure which services are on sale, but it doesn’t feel too realistic, having the “Manuscript” (Hee Hee, I like saying that word) ready before the end of August!! I’m not sure how the promo works, if I just have to say, yes I’m going ahead or if they need some kind of payment prior to the end of the month…I guess maybe I’ll know more after speaking with him tomorrow. The whole idea makes me feel both nervous and excited at the same time! It is my biggest dream. To write and publish a book. Imagine if I’ve already done so (the writing part anyway), without really realizing that was what I was doing!! So so exciting right!? I believe I’m rambling! I really need to get some sleep.  I can’t keep my eyes open!! So, instead of forcing myself to stay awake, I’m going to head to bed!!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

My girls birthdays are really very close together, only ten days apart actually. And, if you ad back to school on top of that, it makes for an expensive month for us! Then, to top it all off, I received an email reminding me that the kids all have dentist appointments next week…ahhhhh! What was I thinking? Why would I ever have agreed to coming in August? It’s going to be too much, so I will have to call them and reschedule. I’ll probably spread them out too…maybe once a month for September, October and November. That’s a much more realistic plan. Money is so frustrating. It’s just so stressful living paycheque to paycheque. I had hoped that by my age I would be in a much more financially stable place. But, nope, it seems to come into the bank and then after bills, groceries, you know, basics, it’s gone again. Back when I was going to school and working on my masters I thought that by the year 2016 I’d actually be making money and contributing towards this family. Instead, there’s always something we need money for that we can’t afford.  And, regardless of what I’m doing, the money always comes from my hubby. I am so blessed to have him. On some of he TN groups I’m a part of, I couldn’t get over how many women with this horrible disease have been left, or rather, deserted by their partners. It’s so so sad. I often wonder if my hubby will resent me…He says he’s not going anywhere and I believe him. I just wish I could do something, even something little, to help out! I’m searching the web for ideas, but if anyone has any suggestions please let me know. The problem with chronic illnesses of any sort is the word chronic! It’s not going away. I can’t work somewhere, only when I’m up to it. Who’s going to hire someone in that situation?? That’s why I started Beachbody. But I’m not getting very far with that. I fall behind on all the things that I need to do in a daily basis. I keep having these ideas but they never seem to come to fruition. (Hey, at least I had the opportunity to use the word “fruition” in a sentence!! lol) I’m looking for something from home. Especially since my little man will be in school soon, which means I’ll have more time on my hands during the day, but still need to be here for after school. I’m looking into user-testing. Did I already talk about this before?? User-testing is where they send you a brand new app or website or somethings along those lines. Then you try out whatever you’re supposed to and then you either are recorded while you’re doing it, or you write about your experience or answer specific questions. It depends upon what you’re testing and what the py want you to do. They say that they take around 15min to complete and you get paid $10 per test, which, for 15 minutes of work, isn’t so bad. Hopefully I can get on with more than one company so that I can get maybe 4 every week day. It depends upon the company and what they have to be tested at any given time. So, my first step is signing up for the different companies, then they email you when there is something that needs users to test. So, tomorrow I’m doing the signing up and I’ll move forward from there. I’m trying to attract wealth into my life. Especially, or rather, most important to me, is for enough money to publish my book. I know that’s not going to happen overnight. I just think about it a lot, because it’s an important project to me. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Anywho, I’m going to stay positive about it and hopefull. I know that this is the perfect company for me. It just feels “write” – lol, Hee Hee‼️ 

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Blowing in the wind

I see my spirit fly

It flips and twirls and spins

No need to question why

Dancing with delight

I see my spirit leap

It squeals and shrieks and cheers

Such pure joy makes me weep

Laughing musically 

I see my spirit sing

It chants and cries and hums

About most everything 

Smiling serenely 

I see my spirit pray

It kneels and repents, and praises

Until nothing’s left to say…

JKC

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Feeling awful today. Not just due to my my face though, due to my tummy. Blech! We went to Costco this afternoon. While there I was fine, but on the way home I started feeling horrible. Consequently, my day was pretty uneventful. Once we got home I walked half a block or so with my little man, to hatch his 10K Pokemon-Egg (priorities right…his happiness is a priority to me!). It was just the right distance to hatch it!  Then I tried to be useful, but my stomach was just so awful. Although I felt like I was on the verge of getting sick, even with an awful lump at the back of my throat, I never did throw up, thank goodness!  However, I did lie down for a bit and I barely ate and I’m going to bed early for once!! 

Wow! Who wants to read about me being on the verge of vomiting?!  Here I’ve been writing about trying to get my blog published and I’m talking about vomiting!! So so classy Jenn! (Hee Hee No wonder I’ll need an editor!) That’s actually one of the things I’m worrying about, editing (well, actually, money is my biggest concern, but that’s a whole different thing!)  I know that I need to, at the bare minimum, have someone read through this and find all of the spelling errors, typos and grammatical mistakes. However, the editing that I don’t want is one where, my “voice” changes – you know, the spirit of my writing (whether I’m severely depressed, happy or talking about puke!!) is altered and no longer me. I want it to be me….I do wonder…who in the world would want to read about my life?? Why would someone want to pay to read this? I’m not so special. Is this a ridiculous idea?? I can’t believe that I already talked to someone on the phone about this!! Researched it!  How the hell am I going to pay for this??  I really really want to do this!! That’s the best company in Canada! The highest reviews!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! What am I going to do??? (And that is the wondering inside my brain, right now. A ridiculous loop of not trusting my gut, doubting myself, and worrying when it’s the one thing I want to do,  more than anything in the world, more than anything I’ve ever done in my whole life!! (Other than my kids, of course.). Wow! I need to talk to someone about this! But who? And why does it always come down to money??? (See, this is where I feel sorry for myself…sorry for that😪)

I feel like I have to shake my head. Wake myself up and out of a trance. And once I do, I’m now thinking,  “Shit! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to write about what’s so deep inside my heart and head…”

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

I’m beat! Today was a pretty full day and my face wasn’t great. Right now it’s so bad and I have a fun headache to accompany it…the fun never stops around here! My baby turned 19 today! I can’t really believe it. It sounds so weird to me, I actually have a 19 year old daughter, how weird. It’s strange when you compare how you look on the outside to how you feel on the inside. Not just how you feel, but the way you think. It doesn’t seem all that removed from when I was her age. I mean, realistically, of course it’s changed, but it doesn’t feel like so long ago! Anyway, while I’m talking about it, I want to wish her a very happy 19th Birthday! I love her so much. She came along and changed my life for the better and I can’t imagine my world without her. She’s funny, smart, strong-willed and intense. We’ve laughed and we’ve cried, but I only love her more everyday! Happy Birthday my sweet😘

We didn’t really actually do that much today, but days always feel longer when my face is bad. If that makes any sense. I think that, even though this is super short, I really need to get some rest. I’m just done and in too much pain to think straight right now. So, hopefully tomorrow is better and I can write more. Oh, I did want to say that I talked to a guy today from a place that assists you with self-publishing! I’m super excited to actually try to get this done! Sadly, at this point it will come down to the money. I have a couple ideas though. I’ll keep you posted! The guy I spoke with is from one of the best reviewed company that helps Canadian’s self-publish. Pray for me guys! For relief and for a go-ahead with publishing my blog…Yay! Yay! Yay!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Here I am, first night back again and I’m already writing my posts later…sigh. Some habits are so difficult to break. I have this routine that I do every night, but it sometimes goes a bit late. At least my little monkey is asleep, however I didn’t get him into bed as early as I’d planned. We’re still going to be waking up tomorrow sometime between 9-10am. He has school soon, so I have to get him on a better schedule. So, we’re home now, obviously after what I already said above…sorry if I goof up tonight, I’m feeling super-d-duper exhausted. I would have gotten him and myself to bed sooner, but I was busy. When I saw my fish tank it was completely foggy and smelled like rot. Turns out, so,etching got clogged in the filter, so it wasn’t cleaning the tank. Two of my three fish (it’s just a little baby tank) were floating on the top 😧, however, shockingly, my little catfish is still alive. I can’t believe it! I’m not even joking, it was soooo stinky and nasty, I have absolutely no idea how he lived in those conditions.  So I got the filter working and changed as much of the water I could, without freaking him out anymore! My fingers are crossed that with the clean water and the filter actually working, I’ll wake up tomorrow to a clear tank. 🍻Here’s to hoping anyway! 

Tomorrow my baby is 19 years old!! Am I truly old enough to have a 19 year old?? That’s crazy!! I’m falling asleep while writing again. Please forgive any errors…speaking of errors, I found a place online called Tellwell publishing. I’ve been thinking, seriously, about actually publishing this blog. I know I have to go back and re-read them, looking for any errors, typos, spelling mistakes, etc. I don’t know how I’m going to get he word count. I’m thinking that there must be a way to make the computer do that for me. I also have to get Monty together, somehow…I have one idea, but…I don’t know. I may have to borrow the money and pay it back once it’s published and, hopefully sells. Oops, just fell asleep again! Lol, sorry. I have a dear, old friend (old as in we’ve been friends for ages, not old as in age) who has been saying for years, you write the book and I’ll finance it!! So, I may have to call her to see how serious she was. I’m just anxious and excited at the same time. If I’m able to sell enough, hopefully I can afford to pay her back! So, starting tomorrow, I’m going to begin reading through and printing day by day each post in order. Oh my! I feel so nervous and excited that I don’t know which one to feel. I don’t know what my hubby thinks about me doing this. The thing that will bring their him the most will be the money thing – it’s what always bugs him. I’m not sure if he thinks about anything else ever. Just money, being broke, what do we owe, how are we going to pay for this or that… It just goes on and on. He said if he had money like that, he’d put it on the visa bill!!! I mean I get that we have to pay off our credit card. It’s all he ever talks about so of course I know all about it.  However, it hurts that he wouldn’t even give the idea of me publishing a book any thought, when he knows it’s all I’ve ever talked about and dreamed about doing. I have so many people telling me to publish this blog, thanks by the way, that I feel confident about doing so. I know that there are going to be spelling errors and grammatical errors, I just feel anxious about my voice being heard. The best part about reading it is that I don’t hold back! I just talk from my heart and my spirit and I don’t want that to get lost. You can feel where I am on my bad days and can see the transformation from the dark, lost, horrid pain and depressed days to the days where I’m positive and encouraging and funny and silly and  so so much happier. I’m not making people cry anymore!!! I could go on and on about this, however I keep falling asleep. I’m super tired. I ironically just fell asleep again, while I was writing the word “asleep” – lol!! Until Tomorrow – night night!💤💤

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Today’s our last day at my parent’s lake house. Our time here sure went by quickly! I must admit that I’m feeling really really exhausted! The good thing is that my son and I have been getting to bed earlier (especially him) and waking up earlier. His schedule is just as messed up as mine is, but I told him that we have to start correcting that on our visit here. He starts grade one (my baby!!) in a couple of weeks and he will be getting up super early, compared to what he’s used to. Over the next couple of weeks, I have to gradually get him to bed earlier and earlier, so that he’s able to wake up earlier. I can hardly believe he’s starting school. He’s very much the “baby” of the family. Especially since he’s so much younger than our girls, their ages have quite the gap – he’s 6 and our girls are both about to have birthdays making them 14 and 19. 19…huh! That’s really hard to believe! I’ve always said that my birthdays don’t really make me feel like I’m getting old, it’s my oldest daughter’s birthday that affects me that way. And on Friday, she’ll be 19!! She seems to be lost in limbo right now. No job, not going to school, no idea what she wants to do/be “when she grows up”! It’s been so nice to see her on this trip. Up and out of bed before noon or one in the afternoon, interacting (without {much} conflict) with her sister, playing around in the water. At home, we joke that she’s a vampire! She is so pale, she sleeps forever, she’s usually sullen, she doesn’t like the curtains being opened to let the sun shine in. Yup, she’s my little vampire! She’s been so much happier here. She seems a bit lighter…or, well it’s hard to explain. It’s just that she’s happy and smiling and playing games and laughing and joking. I mean, I guess she does these things at home, but there always seems to be some kind of darkness, not quite depression, you just get a very bla sensation from her, if that makes any sense. There’s a bit of unhappiness or loneliness or maybe she’s despondent or dispirited…I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I just get the sad sense that she’s unhappy. It hurts my heart! She’s so much better here! It’s like, “oh, there you are…where’ve you been??” I know that if she would find something to do, a job (even if it’s working at McDonalds for Pete’s sake), bloody volunteering, babysitting, going for walks, exercising…just something. She just gets herself in this downwards spiral, to the point where she just seems to cafe about next to nothing! I have to get her out applying for jobs right away once we’re home to keep her going and moving ahead and maybe with some direction in her life, before she falls back into that pit. How in the world did I start talking about this?? She’s not going to be happy with me at all!! It’s not like I mean to “gossip and talk about” my daughter in a negative way, I love her with all of my heart and soul. If anything that’s why I’m talking about it, because it hurts my heart to see her the way she is. Excuse the typos if their are any that have been missed by spell check, I’m so exhausted that I’m literally falling asleep (again) while I write this. Last night I actually fell asleep with the iPad on my face while writing my post. I’m almost there again tonight. So, having said that, I think I’m just going to got to bed. I’m sure I could keep on writing, but tomorrow will be a looooong  day again, and, obviously, my body is trying to tell me something. Something like, “peel your damn iPad off your face and go to sleep!!” Okay, it just happened again, I’m going to bed now. Night all❌😘❌‼️

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”
“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

We had a great day out on the lake today‼️ Talk about your hot, beautiful day! (Consequently many of us are sunburned…did you know sunblock wears off in the water? Well I do, yet we didn’t reapply {is that even a word?? Reapply! It looks weird…} so our burns are our fault!).  I know for most of you who have lake-lots (regardless of the lake) it’s a pretty normal thing to go out on the boat and pull people around the lake, tubing or waterskiing, etc. Well, in my family it’s not! Until last summer, my middle daughter wouldn’t even go out in the boat!! Like she was petrified ‼️‼️ She talked about the titanic (I’m dead serious too) and other such examples and refused to go on at all two summers ago, when she was 12. Then last year, with friends,  we convinced her to get on a boat and head towards a different beach. I’m pretty sure that the only reason she finally did go on the boat that day was because we were with some of her friends and they all went on. So, she sat by me and held my hand. She was fine, she survived, obviously, but I can honestly tell you that she was petrified! So, today she initially rode on the boat, still sitting close to me. We decided that my hubby I would go out on he tube first. I was a little worried about the weight between the two of us, bu we survived. Then my oldest wanted a go (don’t know why my kids are scared…My oldest daughter has been in the boat before, but she is definitely NOT a water person., at all. Much more than even my middle daughter. She hasn’t liked it her whole life, especially deep deep water. She HATES it. So, after my hubby and I went on the tube, my oldest said she’d go if he (my dad, her grandad)only went straight and she convinced my middle daughter (the scared one, but at least a confident swimmer!!) as well as my mom to go with him!  Going pretty fast too!! They went for quite a while! Then mom wanted off and my 6 year old said he wanted to give it a try. So my dad pulled the three of them slowly. Once he got off, both of the girls said that going too slow made them nauseous…but they loved loved loved going fast! Crazy right!! I can’t even count how many times that I’ve told them how much fun tubing is and how much they would like it!! So, we spent a good chunk of the afternoon watching the girls on the tube!! I’m so thrilled that they both finally not only tried it, but they loved it! Yay! Yay! Yay! We had a great day, and an awesome time – regardless of the resulting sunburns – lol‼️❌😃❌‼️

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

I have this idea for a children’s book. I’ve been meaning to write it down before I forget about it. I always have these brilliant ideas at night and completely forget all about them the next day. I’m not tooting my own horn or saying that this is a brilliant idea or anything. It’s just been in my head for a while now, so I thought I should write it down. It’s not like I have a gazillion followers and someone is going to come along and steal my idea. And if they do, it would turn out differently anyway. What I want to do is sort-of like a songbook/storybook. I have these songs that I sing to my kids, and have for years, at bedtime. It’s actually pretty basic, but they always loved it, so I figured maybe other parents would like to do the same thing. I “wrote” a song for each of them. I used a popular children’s song or lullaby and changed the words and within the words, made sure I added their name to the song. It makes them feel really special, like they have their very own personalized song! So, I figured, “Hey, I could put together a children’s book with like 7 or 8ish songs with blanks where the parents can insert their child’s name and then sing/read the book to their children.” My kids love “their” songs. In fact, given a chance, my older kids will still try to get me to sing their songs to them. I already have three written, one to Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, another to Row Row Row Your Boat and the final one to Silent Night. I’d have to use popular songs that pretty much guarantee the parents will know the song. So, that’s idea. Go ahead and leave me a comment to let me know what you think (assuming it’s working again – my mom said it hasn’t been letting her comment. I don’t know if I have to change something in the settings or if it’s a problem specific to her computer.) Like I said, it’s a simple idea that would probably work! Simple rhyming comes easily to me, so it wouldn’t even take long to write! I really have to figure out how to publish things…this blog, children’s stories! I feel like there are so many things that I want to write, but I don’t know how to go about the final step. If anyone does, help a girl out please!! 

I had a good day today, but I’m beat. So, I’m off to bed! Goodnight😴

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”