I hate how much I weigh now. It makes me sick to my stomach…and it makes me sad…and it also makes me super angry with myself. I worked so hard to lose weight and get into better shape. I did so well and maintained my weight loss for a long time. I worked hard at it and managed to stay within a fairly healthy range. That’s why I’m so angry at myself. I think that as my pain got worse and nothing would help and I got more and more depressed, well…I think that I just gave up. On everything. There’s no other way to say it. So, I feel a bit of hope again. Hope that this laser therapy will help. Help decrease the pain. I know it isn’t a cure but, if it can make the pain manageable and life livable again, then that will be enough. I don’t need perfection and, frankly, I haven’t had a life without pain for over 11 years. Since I had the damn meningitis that seemed to trigger it all…migraines, fibromyalgia, just everything!

I had a really really frustrating morning! I was supposed to see the pain specialist Dr today. My original appointment with him was two months ago, I had to wait a few months for that original appointment and then they cancelled it two days before, without explanation. She then told me not to worry and that she would “fit me in soon”. Apparently “soon” meant two months later for them. So, we arrive this morning, after my husband once again moved work things around in order to come with me (FYI: this appointment was in St Albert and we live in Beaumont!!) and the second we walk in, girl at the desk looks at me like, who are you?? I tell her my name and appointment time and she can’t find me on today’s schedule. So, she asks for my full name, looks up and says that my appointment was cancelled and rebooked for May 20th at 8:00AM!! First time I heard about this!!  I told her that we weren’t contacted and that I wouldn’t have booked an 8:00AM appointment. We have kids who we have to get to school and a 4 year old…when we live about a 45 minute drive away, we never would book that early!! She wouldn’t even fit us in, because my appointment is for an initial pain assessment and that would take too long. So, since we said 8:00AM would be too early, she says, again, don’t worry I am sure we can fit you in soon. Then, she proceeds to give us a date IN JUNE!!!!! Can you even believe it?? What a load of bullshit! I was so so so mad. I was close to tears. I just completely stopped talking. My hubby could tell I was close to snapping. So, he just started taking over my part of the conversation. Long story short, we ended up taking the ridiculously early May appointment. I’m still fuming though…

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!         

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!