So a couple days  ago I wrote about how our bodies deal with pain. I focused mainly on acute pain and how our body’s reaction to acute pain keeps us safe and prepared for emergencies. I spoke of how our bodies learn from each pain experience. Also, I wrote about how, when we repeatedly think about our pain experience over and over again, our brains naturally do this. Our brains want to not only remember the experience, but to be motivated and able to avoid a similar threat in the future. I was happy to learn that I’m not actually the most negative person by letting the pain be ever present in my life. No, it’s normal and is our bodies way of protecting us. This certainly helps me feel a bit more normal. We are quick to judge ourselves as negative or stuck or many other things, it was nice to learn that this was not the case.

Now, chronic pain is a different thing. The protective pain response that occurs with acute pain often becomes overprotective in the case of chronic pain. Our bodies can become over sensitive to threats and end up sending messages to the brain that a threat is present, whether or not the threat is minor. Also, our brains tend to interpret situations as threatening and sensations as painful, far out of proportion to any real danger. The more we experience pain, the more the aspects of our pain responses – sensation, suffering and stress, blur together allowing any one of them to trigger a full-blown protective pain response. Many people with chronic pain are on guard, waiting for the next time pain strikes, or for the pain to get worse. Our nervous systems are also doing the same thing! This is refered to as pain sensitization. So, our nerve endings can become so sensitive that pressure, tension or inflammation makes them react, even to relatively minor physical sensations. Our brain is on alert for these reactions, and teaches the nervous system to fast track the threat signals to and between certain areas of the brain. The whole communication system is fine-tuned and sped up. This can result in pain that may be far beyond any real threat to the body. (I found the above information & quoted some almost word-for-word from the book by Kelly McGonigal, “Yoga For Pain Relief.”) 

On a more personal level, this doesn’t mean that, when I’m in pain, I am wrong about my experience or making it up. (Nor am I saying that anyone else with chronic pain is doing so.) The pain I feel is real, a full-fledged pain reaction. I know and have known for some time that I am ready and waiting, every moment, for the next jab of pain to strike. It is interesting really, to learn that my nervous system and my brain are also on alert, ready to respond, as soon as it senses a problem!! I know if my day will be a bad pain day if, upon waking the pain is already there or if I’m woken up by the pain. I know, too, that if I feel what I call a “twinge” of pain, I’m ready for a full blown attack! Having Trigeminal Neuralgia, known as the worst pain known to human-kind, makes it super difficult to not worry about when the pain will strike. When you have pain that can bring you to your knees and bring tears to your eyes almost instantly, well, frankly, it’s hard not to be on edge. Hmmmm, I wonder if I’m going to have knee-buckling pain while shopping for groceries today… So, yes I digress. I really do find it super interesting to know that my conscious worrying goes hand in hand with the heightened pain sensitization going on in my body. 

Well, I’m not done writing about this yet. Hope it’s not boring anyone. I’m trying to learn all I can about chronic pain,  Trigeminal Neuralgia and anything about dealing with it, etc. etc. etc.

To help with research and treatment please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

If I didn’t have love would I still be here? 

Where would I be without those I hold dear? 

They force me up and out of bed.

They make me remember to use my head. 

They need me here every day. 

They help to take the pain away. 

For them I try to get things done. 

It helps to be needed by someone. 

Those I love help me to smile. 

They remind me to laugh once in a while. 

I need to fight, to carry on,

And the ones that I love keep me strong. 

JKC

Go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!!!  

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Flying away from my crowded mind

Searching for peace, for freedom

Speaking to Angels, for guidance

Wishing on stars, to save my soul

Soaring to heaven on borrowed wings

Jumping from waterfalls to land on clouds

Praying for mastery of my eternity

Reaching for answers to understand my power

Playing with fire to discover my energy

Pondering for hours to find my way home

Ploughing through the earth for acceptance

Singing out loud to share the joy

Laughing out loud to persevere

Waking each day to continue on

JKC

Sorry for not continuing yesterday’s conversation. I was planning to write about chronic pain, but this wanted to be written instead…maybe tomorrow. Thanx for reading. I’m very blessed…

To help people with Trigeminla Neuralgia, for research and support please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!!!  

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

So, I’ve been reading about pain, both acute and chronic and the difference between them (which I’m assuming is obvious!) I’ve also been learning about the difference between pain and suffering, which go hand in hand to make up our personal pain experience.

The system that our bodies use to respond to pain work perfectly in response to an emergency; to acute pain. What happens?  First comes the injury or the illness, in my case, Trigeminal Neuralgia, which I know isn’t acute, but is the cause of my pain. (Of course, for those of you who know me, my chronic pain journey started before the TN, but that isn’t what this conversation’s about.) So, anyway, many parts of the brain are sent a warning that a “threat” is present.  Our brains try to figure out how serious it is. Some areas of the brain transform the signals as physical pain sensations. Other areas of the brain, like those that work on problem solving and emotional-processing are also triggered. These thoughts and feelings about the pain make up our perception of “suffering”. Our brain uses the pain, combined with the suffering to give us our “pain experience.” This is the brains way of making sure we are able to protect ourself.  This is a normal and helpful pain response. Also, our brains simultaneously go into an “emergency stress response,” where our nervous system, endocrine system and immune system are also reacting to the emergency. Basically our body is on high alert in order to keep us alive, to allow our survival.

Here’s something I found interesting. Even once the stressor is gone, our minds and bodies want to know how to prevent this from happening again. We are automatically programmed (did that sound weird, like we’re robots or something??) to try learn as much as possible from the experience, in order to either prevent or be better prepared if the same pain, threat, illness, etc. happens again. This makes me happy and relieved in a strange way, because it normalizes my behaviour. It means I’m not crazy! I’m not as negative as I believed, lol! Why?? Because our brains go over and over the event. Recalling the pain. Telling people about it. Worrying about it coming back or being even worse the next time. So, my “tedious” ramblings about my life and my pain are actually part of a normal pain response.  It is not just because I enjoy dwelling on the pain and how crappy it is. It is not for attention or a way to feel sorry for myself, like being little miss “oh poor me!” (Which I do try hard not to do!!) So, yay yay yay!!  There’s an actual explanation that helps to explain why my pain seems to hang over every part of my life, why it’s almost always on my mind.  I know it may seem strange for this to be something that I was excited to read, but when you’re immersed in daily chronic pain, learning that it is normal to ruminate about it is a relief. It’s not just always on my mind because I’m negative, I need to stop thinking about it, to stop dwelling on it and to just get over it or, at the very least, be more positive about the whole thing. Nope, it’s not my personal version of crazy, our minds intentionally keep the thoughts and concerns, about our illness and how we expereice it, close to the surface!!  It’s trying to be ready for the next time!  This entire protective response to survival and short term pain is not a bad system at all. It has likely played an important part in the survival of our species.

The problems with the above pain reactions occur when dealing with chronic pain. This system works perfectly for short, acute pain/illness. Adding chronic pain is a whole new ballpark! You know, my life and my kind of pain!! Lol!!

I’m just want to be sure to add that I am not a pain specialist or doctor. However I’m a chronic pain sufferer and I’m trying to learn everything I can about it. I do realize that my discrpition here is quite simplified. I’ve been reading numerous new books about pain and have read many during this jouney. I am writing this for my own understanding of what’s going on inside my body, yes, for purely selfish reasons!!  If it ends up helping others understand then that is a bonus!! I am not quoting directly from any book, but, in an effort to not plagiarize, the majority of this information is from a book by Kelly McGonigal called “Yoga For Pain Relief.”

But, right now my body is in pain. And, my response currently is to do something, anything, to deal with it. I will take medication and I will use hot and cold packs in what will likely turn out to be a fruitless attempt to decrease the pain… Look, the negativity is back!!! Was wondering where it was hiding!! Lol!  I’ll try to continue this topic tomorrow, about chronic pain and why our normal pain response backfires for this type of pain.

But, for now, please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!!! 

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Have you ever had a day when it hurts to wash your face?

Have you ever stepped outside and had a breeze burn your cheek?

Have you ever felt a searing pain from a gentle, sweet caress?

Have you ever stayed in bed for much longer then a week?

Have you ever felt shamed because you have to beg for drugs?

Have you ever felt a shock of pain as a tear escapes your eye?

Have you ever felt so isolated you think you’ll lose your mind?

Have you ever wondered if perhaps a part of you may die?

Have you ever cursed and cried and screamed without uttering a word?

Have you ever felt like curling up so tight that you may burst?

Have you ever held back crazed laughter when you hear “I understand”?

Have you ever smiled and said “I’m fine” when the pain is at its’ worst?

Have you ever judged yourself?

Have you ever felt too small?

Have you ever blamed yourself?

Have you ever felt yourself fall?

I feel and think and experience these things

I live each day immersed in these things

My life has been consumed by these things

I long to break away from these things

I’ll pray and write and ponder these things

Until my answer is “no” to all of these things

I yearn to answer “no” to these things

To find my path away from these things

I’ll keep on trying to get away from these things

I will one day beat all of these things

I will one day be free…

JKC

Please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!!! 

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Pain just sucks!

It makes me mad.

I can’t bloody stand it!

It’s just so bad.

It pierces deep,

It shocks and stabs.

It pisses me off!

As my life it grabs.

I’ve had enough,

Of all of this crap!

I’m venting now,

Just running my yap!

I’m writing anything,

That’s on my mind.

I just need to rant,

With any words I find.

So don’t judge me,

Or what I say.

You don’t understand,

How I got this way.

I need to curse,

To scream and yell.

To get it out,

And escape this hell.

So I’ll write and write,

Whatever comes to me.

To help get it out,

And to let me be.

JKC

Please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!!!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Seriously a slow slow day at my house. No one is feeling very well. My oldest looks like she’s a vampire she’s so pale. My middle daughter has been coughing for days and sounds horrible and has a bizzarely husky voice when she talks. And, my little man went to bed too late last night (although that was my fault) so he is crying at the drop of a hat. I’m afraid that he’s getting sick too…I hope not. I hate when little people are sick. I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it when any of my kids are sick, but when they’re really young it’s hard. They need you more. They’re more cuddly and touchy, they don’t understand why they feel bad or why you can’t “make it all better.” I do love the cuddles, but it gets hard to do anything else, when they are really sick and want mommy.  And, of course, I don’t feel well either. I know that’s nothing new but it’s so much easier when I’m the only who feels crappy… This really sounds like me feeling sorry for myself which wasn’t my intention. Sorry for that!

So my hubby is going out of town all week for work, which never happens. I know many people whose husbands work out of town a lot. The majority of whom go “up north” to work at the rigs. I always marvelled at how they get by. I feel so dependent on my husband. It’s strange, because it is not how I ever thought I’d end up, being super dependent on my partner. I went to school, under grad and masters. Worked to take care of myself, with or without a partner. I remember my dad talking to me about making sure I can depend on myself and take care of myself. To never rely solely on another person for your welfare. Yet, here I am freaking out a bit that my husband’s going to be gone all week. I realize that I’m a victim of circumstance and that I obviously didn’t plan getting sick and being unable to hold down a job because of debilitating pain. Still, I don’t like how vulnerable it makes me feel when I think about being alone this week. He does so so much at home. He takes care of almost everything! I’m lucky to have him. I’ve read many sad stories on-line of partners leaving in chronic pain situations. Too many. It is understandable, because I see how much is put onto my husband, but it is still very sad. I don’t know what I’d do if he wasn’t here. I don’t want to think that way. I could understand resentment building up. He has no down time, especially on my really bad days. Anyway, this turned into a bit of a ramble, didn’t it? For this week, I do have many friends who have told me to call if I need anything. Also, my parent’s are home from their BC house and will help out if I need anything. It’s just so strange. I also see him worrying about going and don’t want him to feel guilty. I believe I carry enough guilt for the two of us…probably for many more then just the two of us. I know we’ll (the kids & I) be fine. I just have this weird sense of dread in my stomach and it makes me look at how I got to this place. Of dependence on my husband and anxiety about him being gone. Weird…I feel like I’ve lost so much of myself.

Who am I anyway?? I mean right now? Who am I, who have I become? Am I okay with who I am currently?? Something to ponder…

I’ve been changed by my pain…or maybe by the suffering? Whichever it is, Trigeminal Neuralgia has altered things. If you want to help, please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!!!  

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!