Tag Archives: #pain

A Long Long Day

April 26, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

So today I’m exhausted. I know this isn’t the first time I’ve said this, but it is so so true!! My daughter’s dance picture day was today. Also, I had my volunteer duty today. This started at 7:30AM!!! Well, once my good friend (& fellow volunteer) picked me up we had to get coffee. I mean had to!!! So, we were probably there at 7:40 ish. Which, as far as I’m concerned, is still far too early!! We had to work until about 11:30 signing people in and handing out costumes. Our girls were there and very very helpful. It wasn’t “hard” work. But it was just a very long day. My daughter’s in 5 dances and her last photo wasn’t until 5:50…so, needless to say, it was a long day & I’m super tired. I think I will sleep hard tonight!! I do enjoy seeing all of the beautiful costumes. They are always so great! From the little 4-5 year olds all the way to the 17 year olds! So nice to see all of the beautiful dancers. The photos always turn out great. And my daughter & her friends said that the photographer was really nice and funny. He made them feel very comfortable, which should lead to great photos!! I look forward to seeing them! Well, my pain is starting to strike hard and my shoulder/arm is so bad that my fingers are tingly and numb. Ouch! I still did my home red light/infrared treatment for my face & neck, as I’m supposed to do it every day. But, now I’m off to bed!! Sorry this is so short, but I’m just done in!! Goodnight😴

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

A Step Toward Something New…

April 25, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

A strand of hope A falling star

A chance to change who you think you are

An ounce of dare A smidgen of fear

A way to let the world know you’re here

A cry for help A prayer for more

A movement beyond where you’ve been before

An open door Another way through

A step toward something new

JKC

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Stupid Stupid Specialists…

April 24, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

I hate how much I weigh now. It makes me sick to my stomach…and it makes me sad…and it also makes me super angry with myself. I worked so hard to lose weight and get into better shape. I did so well and maintained my weight loss for a long time. I worked hard at it and managed to stay within a fairly healthy range. That’s why I’m so angry at myself. I think that as my pain got worse and nothing would help and I got more and more depressed, well…I think that I just gave up. On everything. There’s no other way to say it. So, I feel a bit of hope again. Hope that this laser therapy will help. Help decrease the pain. I know it isn’t a cure but, if it can make the pain manageable and life livable again, then that will be enough. I don’t need perfection and, frankly, I haven’t had a life without pain for over 11 years. Since I had the damn meningitis that seemed to trigger it all…migraines, fibromyalgia, just everything!

I had a really really frustrating morning! I was supposed to see the pain specialist Dr today. My original appointment with him was two months ago, I had to wait a few months for that original appointment and then they cancelled it two days before, without explanation. She then told me not to worry and that she would “fit me in soon”. Apparently “soon” meant two months later for them. So, we arrive this morning, after my husband once again moved work things around in order to come with me (FYI: this appointment was in St Albert and we live in Beaumont!!) and the second we walk in, girl at the desk looks at me like, who are you?? I tell her my name and appointment time and she can’t find me on today’s schedule. So, she asks for my full name, looks up and says that my appointment was cancelled and rebooked for May 20th at 8:00AM!! First time I heard about this!! I told her that we weren’t contacted and that I wouldn’t have booked an 8:00AM appointment. We have kids who we have to get to school and a 4 year old…when we live about a 45 minute drive away, we never would book that early!! She wouldn’t even fit us in, because my appointment is for an initial pain assessment and that would take too long. So, since we said 8:00AM would be too early, she says, again, don’t worry I am sure we can fit you in soon. Then, she proceeds to give us a date IN JUNE!!!!! Can you even believe it?? What a load of bullshit! I was so so so mad. I was close to tears. I just completely stopped talking. My hubby could tell I was close to snapping. So, he just started taking over my part of the conversation. Long story short, we ended up taking the ridiculously early May appointment. I’m still fuming though…

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

It Still Goes On

April 23, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

If I wake up really late and I just don’t feel that great,

It still goes on.

If I rush out to the store and forget what I went there for,

It still goes on.

When I feel extremely bad and there’s no relief to be had,

It still goes on.

When I decide I need to stay at home lying in bed all day,

It still goes on.

If I have a lot to do and don’t manage to get through,

It still goes on.

If I actually feel okay and start to catch up for a day,

It still goes on.

When my kids need time with me and there’s just no time that’s free.

It still goes on.

On the days things don’t work out and I want to scream and shout,

It still goes on.

If I can hardly function or think and it feels like I’m hovering on the brink,

It still goes on.

Since my family will always be around, I know we’ll be safe and sound.

Life still goes on…

JKC

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Less 🙍🏼 More 💁🏼

April 22, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

As I sit down to write this I don’t know what to say. I’ve just had a really really shitty day! Driving to my appointment I got so lost and turned around. Much like the chaos in my brain would be found! The fierceness of the wind seemed to mirror my bummed-out mood. Filled with things left unsaid, as they’d be probably be too rude!! Sometimes I wonder how to function in this world that’s filled with craziness and everything and nothing much at at all. While the pain comes and goes, my mood will go up and then back down it’ll fall. It’s in and out and back and forth. No way to predict where I will land. It’s bam! In the moment pain attacks. Hard to accept or understand. Frustration mounts and boils inside. It builds and builds coating my mind. I lose all sense of whatever I’m doing. I smile through it all while inside it’s brewing. At the end of a long long day of faking, it’s hard not to show the toll it’s taking. So I ramble through this post without enough thought and I do apologize, but today this is all I’ve got. Because by the time I can finally lie down my head, I’m too tired to even get ready for bed. Too tired to keep writing any more on here. See you tomorrow for hopefully more cheer!!

Less 🙍🏼 More 💁🏼

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

With A Lump Of Hope In Her Throat

April 21, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Whispered secrets laced with poison

Dripping from her tear-filled eyes

Quiet shouting breaking barriers

Pierces too deeply to be heard

Feeling weakened by his attitude

Gripping her heart with his iron gaze

Pensively she backs away

Racing ahead inside her sheltered heart

Facing the beginning of the end

With a lump of hope in her throat

JKC

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Almost Forgot…

So, to be completely honest, I almost totally forgot to write today 😱! I was going up to bed and saying goodnight to my hubby and he asked if I’m going to be writing late or if I’d already finished and I felt a bit like crying…because I’m so tired and just wanted to go to bed. I also forgot that I had to purchase the tickets for my daughter’s year end dance show today. In a past life I was on the ball about these things!! I’d have a reminder on my calendar. I’d have my credit card and everything ready to go online as soon as ticketmaster opened, in order to get the best seats possible. My girls actually complained on more than one occasion that they didn’t like seeing us right in front while they were dancing! It was distracting for them. Well, anyway, my daughter and I checked at about 10:00 tonight (yes, she was up late) and saw that they went on sale today 🙍🏼 (sad me!). Anyway, she won’t be complaining this year, because we’re in row O…🙍🏼🙍🏼 (double the sad!!). She definitely won’t be able to see us, I just hope that we can see her!! And now it’s almost midnight and I didn’t want to go to bed this late…again. So, on that note, I’m putting a short, fairly depressing (shocking – right??) poem “from the vault” (Hee Hee! I like that expression!!) I pulled out a journal and said to myself that I’ll write the poem that is found on whichever page I end up opening to…here goes.

Why do I hurt?

Why do I feel such pain?

Is there a reason for my suffering?

Something that might explain?

Always tired

Always lonely

Always shameful

Wishing, if only…

If only I could

And maybe I should

I think I may just

Oh, if only I would!

No inspiring insight

No signs of change

No next great moves

For me to arrange.

My “only if’s”

My “should” and “could”

Bring no relief,

Who thought they would?

So, I’m feeling lost and hopeless,

Without control of what life brings,

I see now that I’m just the puppet,

I don’t get to pull the strings…

JKC

May 5, 2007

Well, the good news is that I’m so much more positive now…har har har!! Yep, clearly this current depression is not my first! Apologies about the negativity. Like I said, I wrote what I found on the page that one of my old journals opened on. And, with this uplifting and positive poem, I say goodnight🌜🌜🌜

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

LED Red Lights + LED Infared Lights = Zzzzzzz

April 19, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Yesterday I went to the Edmonton lady, Jill Brighton at Earthsong Professional Massage Centre for the first laser treatment I’ve had since getting home on Monday. She was really nice. It was a bit of a drive for us, she’s pretty far north-west, but I really wanted to go to someone who was trained at Dr Khan’s clinic. He is the top authority on low-intensity-laser-therapy. He has 25 years of research behind him. He uses different intensity and times to suit each patient. Prior to researching laser and light therapy, he had 20 plus years behind him as a respected vascular surgeon. He had even opened and ran a hospital in California. Apparently there are many who claim to use “laser therapy”, but they use the same laser with everyone, with the same intensity. Also, I’ve read that many believe more is better, so they end up using a much higher intensity than is needed. This can cause more harm then good. So, this is why I wanted to find someone who uses the lasers that Dr Khan researched and helped to engineer. I’m the first person that Jill (the Edmonton laser therapist) has treated who has a rental unit at home. This enables me to do the longer, first two steps at home, and ultimately made the time I needed for the actual laser treatment to be only thirty minutes!! This will make a huge difference with the cost!! The first steps take me about 90 minutes at home. Had I needed to have Jill do all of the steps, it would have turned a half hour appointment into a 2 hour one!! Talk about saving money! The cost would have been from about $150 – $200. I would have reached the $300 per year maximum for alternative treatments through our health insurance with only 2 sessions! Considering Dr Khan recommends 2 treatments a week, we would be spending a ridiculous amount of money! Also, seeing what the cost would have been, had my mom not rented the home unit, makes the amount she is paying seem much more worthwhile! Not only does it end up saving money, I also get to do the first two parts of the treatment, the red and infrared LED arrays, daily. So I am praying that this starts to make a difference with my pain. The past couple of days have been horrible, but I want to believe that this laser therapy will soon make a difference. Jill has treated one other person with Trigeminal Neuralgia and after about 18 or so sessions, her pain had almost completely disappeared!! She had to go in once or twice a month in order to remain relatively pain free. I understand that this is not a cure, but I am on my hands and knees, begging for this to rid me of this horrible pain; or at least decrease it!!

Speaking of home treatments, I just finished doing this and I am wiped. It relaxes me and makes me sleepy. Perfect just before bed!!! 😴

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Ug…

Today is bad. It makes me mad. I want to scream and pull my hair. I want to cry, but do not dare. I wish I knew when it would strike. Wish it wouldn’t come whenever it likes. It frustrates me so so much. I’m tired of worrying about every touch. I’m sorry about always seeming to complain. I’m sick and tired of all of this pain. Some days I’m just plain done. But a shitty day doesn’t mean the pain’s won. I’ll be back to fight another day. But for now goodnight’s what I’m going to say.

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

A Day Of Vast Cruelties

April 18, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

A day of dark circles under my eyes

A day of dark clouds outside in the skies

A day of sharp pain spearing my face

A day of sharp feelings I long to displace

A day of slow moving and going nowhere

A day of slow thinking and trying not to care

A day of harsh judgments of all I don’t do

A day of harsh realities that I’ll keep from you

A day of vast nothingness that finds no end

A day of vast cruelties that the pain will send

JKC

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

The Spirit Scribe

I challenge myself to write 365 posts in 2016to heal Body, Mind & Spirit. Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Tag Archives: #pain

A Long Long Day

A Step Toward Something New…

Stupid Stupid Specialists…

It Still Goes On

Less 🙍🏼 More 💁🏼

With A Lump Of Hope In Her Throat

Almost Forgot…

LED Red Lights + LED Infared Lights = Zzzzzzz

Ug…

A Day Of Vast Cruelties