Tag Archives: #meditech

It Still Goes On

April 23, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

If I wake up really late and I just don’t feel that great,

It still goes on.

If I rush out to the store and forget what I went there for,

It still goes on.

When I feel extremely bad and there’s no relief to be had,

It still goes on.

When I decide I need to stay at home lying in bed all day,

It still goes on.

If I have a lot to do and don’t manage to get through,

It still goes on.

If I actually feel okay and start to catch up for a day,

It still goes on.

When my kids need time with me and there’s just no time that’s free.

It still goes on.

On the days things don’t work out and I want to scream and shout,

It still goes on.

If I can hardly function or think and it feels like I’m hovering on the brink,

It still goes on.

Since my family will always be around, I know we’ll be safe and sound.

Life still goes on…

JKC

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Less 🙍🏼 More 💁🏼

April 22, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

As I sit down to write this I don’t know what to say. I’ve just had a really really shitty day! Driving to my appointment I got so lost and turned around. Much like the chaos in my brain would be found! The fierceness of the wind seemed to mirror my bummed-out mood. Filled with things left unsaid, as they’d be probably be too rude!! Sometimes I wonder how to function in this world that’s filled with craziness and everything and nothing much at at all. While the pain comes and goes, my mood will go up and then back down it’ll fall. It’s in and out and back and forth. No way to predict where I will land. It’s bam! In the moment pain attacks. Hard to accept or understand. Frustration mounts and boils inside. It builds and builds coating my mind. I lose all sense of whatever I’m doing. I smile through it all while inside it’s brewing. At the end of a long long day of faking, it’s hard not to show the toll it’s taking. So I ramble through this post without enough thought and I do apologize, but today this is all I’ve got. Because by the time I can finally lie down my head, I’m too tired to even get ready for bed. Too tired to keep writing any more on here. See you tomorrow for hopefully more cheer!!

Less 🙍🏼 More 💁🏼

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

With A Lump Of Hope In Her Throat

April 21, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Whispered secrets laced with poison

Dripping from her tear-filled eyes

Quiet shouting breaking barriers

Pierces too deeply to be heard

Feeling weakened by his attitude

Gripping her heart with his iron gaze

Pensively she backs away

Racing ahead inside her sheltered heart

Facing the beginning of the end

With a lump of hope in her throat

JKC

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Almost Forgot…

So, to be completely honest, I almost totally forgot to write today 😱! I was going up to bed and saying goodnight to my hubby and he asked if I’m going to be writing late or if I’d already finished and I felt a bit like crying…because I’m so tired and just wanted to go to bed. I also forgot that I had to purchase the tickets for my daughter’s year end dance show today. In a past life I was on the ball about these things!! I’d have a reminder on my calendar. I’d have my credit card and everything ready to go online as soon as ticketmaster opened, in order to get the best seats possible. My girls actually complained on more than one occasion that they didn’t like seeing us right in front while they were dancing! It was distracting for them. Well, anyway, my daughter and I checked at about 10:00 tonight (yes, she was up late) and saw that they went on sale today 🙍🏼 (sad me!). Anyway, she won’t be complaining this year, because we’re in row O…🙍🏼🙍🏼 (double the sad!!). She definitely won’t be able to see us, I just hope that we can see her!! And now it’s almost midnight and I didn’t want to go to bed this late…again. So, on that note, I’m putting a short, fairly depressing (shocking – right??) poem “from the vault” (Hee Hee! I like that expression!!) I pulled out a journal and said to myself that I’ll write the poem that is found on whichever page I end up opening to…here goes.

Why do I hurt?

Why do I feel such pain?

Is there a reason for my suffering?

Something that might explain?

Always tired

Always lonely

Always shameful

Wishing, if only…

If only I could

And maybe I should

I think I may just

Oh, if only I would!

No inspiring insight

No signs of change

No next great moves

For me to arrange.

My “only if’s”

My “should” and “could”

Bring no relief,

Who thought they would?

So, I’m feeling lost and hopeless,

Without control of what life brings,

I see now that I’m just the puppet,

I don’t get to pull the strings…

JKC

May 5, 2007

Well, the good news is that I’m so much more positive now…har har har!! Yep, clearly this current depression is not my first! Apologies about the negativity. Like I said, I wrote what I found on the page that one of my old journals opened on. And, with this uplifting and positive poem, I say goodnight🌜🌜🌜

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

LED Red Lights + LED Infared Lights = Zzzzzzz

April 19, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Yesterday I went to the Edmonton lady, Jill Brighton at Earthsong Professional Massage Centre for the first laser treatment I’ve had since getting home on Monday. She was really nice. It was a bit of a drive for us, she’s pretty far north-west, but I really wanted to go to someone who was trained at Dr Khan’s clinic. He is the top authority on low-intensity-laser-therapy. He has 25 years of research behind him. He uses different intensity and times to suit each patient. Prior to researching laser and light therapy, he had 20 plus years behind him as a respected vascular surgeon. He had even opened and ran a hospital in California. Apparently there are many who claim to use “laser therapy”, but they use the same laser with everyone, with the same intensity. Also, I’ve read that many believe more is better, so they end up using a much higher intensity than is needed. This can cause more harm then good. So, this is why I wanted to find someone who uses the lasers that Dr Khan researched and helped to engineer. I’m the first person that Jill (the Edmonton laser therapist) has treated who has a rental unit at home. This enables me to do the longer, first two steps at home, and ultimately made the time I needed for the actual laser treatment to be only thirty minutes!! This will make a huge difference with the cost!! The first steps take me about 90 minutes at home. Had I needed to have Jill do all of the steps, it would have turned a half hour appointment into a 2 hour one!! Talk about saving money! The cost would have been from about $150 – $200. I would have reached the $300 per year maximum for alternative treatments through our health insurance with only 2 sessions! Considering Dr Khan recommends 2 treatments a week, we would be spending a ridiculous amount of money! Also, seeing what the cost would have been, had my mom not rented the home unit, makes the amount she is paying seem much more worthwhile! Not only does it end up saving money, I also get to do the first two parts of the treatment, the red and infrared LED arrays, daily. So I am praying that this starts to make a difference with my pain. The past couple of days have been horrible, but I want to believe that this laser therapy will soon make a difference. Jill has treated one other person with Trigeminal Neuralgia and after about 18 or so sessions, her pain had almost completely disappeared!! She had to go in once or twice a month in order to remain relatively pain free. I understand that this is not a cure, but I am on my hands and knees, begging for this to rid me of this horrible pain; or at least decrease it!!

Speaking of home treatments, I just finished doing this and I am wiped. It relaxes me and makes me sleepy. Perfect just before bed!!! 😴

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Ug…

Today is bad. It makes me mad. I want to scream and pull my hair. I want to cry, but do not dare. I wish I knew when it would strike. Wish it wouldn’t come whenever it likes. It frustrates me so so much. I’m tired of worrying about every touch. I’m sorry about always seeming to complain. I’m sick and tired of all of this pain. Some days I’m just plain done. But a shitty day doesn’t mean the pain’s won. I’ll be back to fight another day. But for now goodnight’s what I’m going to say.

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

A Day Of Vast Cruelties

April 18, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

A day of dark circles under my eyes

A day of dark clouds outside in the skies

A day of sharp pain spearing my face

A day of sharp feelings I long to displace

A day of slow moving and going nowhere

A day of slow thinking and trying not to care

A day of harsh judgments of all I don’t do

A day of harsh realities that I’ll keep from you

A day of vast nothingness that finds no end

A day of vast cruelties that the pain will send

JKC

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Dance Day…& Sorries!

April 16, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Today I had to get up at 6:00AM, which for me is a miracle!! Seriously! It is a very very rare occurrence indeed. My daughter had a dance competition in Red Deer today. She actually didn’t have to dance until 3:00, but some of her friends were on at an earlier time. I’m good friends with the mom as well. So, we were able to visit and watch some of the other dances. These kids are incredible! I don’t just mean my daughter’s dance school, but the majority of the dancers, in general. The talent that you see can blow your socks off. They make you laugh and cry and just feel their joy. I’ve never been a big “dance mom”, so it’s not like I’m super experienced or anything, but the caliber of dance as an art and a sport has gone through the roof! I’ve watched “So You Think You Can Dance” with my daughter for years and even the judges on that show have commented on how the boundaries of talent and training and skill of the dancers is just getting higher and higher. I’m privelidged to get to watch this! I’m also very proud of my daughter. Her hip hop class received high gold today!!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I’m going to run to bed now. It’s been a super long day and I’m wiped! I just want to take a second to say sorry for some of yesterday’s post. I went back and edited it. I took out the things that I said that I should have kept to myself. I’ve been trying to keep my family’s names, etc out of my post and I messed that up yesterday. I find myself on hyper-alert these days! I suppose because I feel so bad about myself that even small comments from others can instantly get my back up. My self criticism has me at my worst and I find that any comment that somewhat confirms this opinion, hits too close to home and instantly puts me on the defensive. I use this blog to work through things, much as I’ve used journals. I write what I’m feeling in the moment. It’s generally not planned. I figure that I need to get out what I need to get out…if that makes sense. But, I’m very sorry for spewing some inappropriate and hurtful things yesterday. I can say whatever I want about myself, but I shouldn’t do so about anyone else!! Very very sorry😔.

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Socks, LED Light, More Socks, More Lights…etc.

April 15, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Today felt long to me. I’m still feeling pretty out of it. It’s not like I travelled from Europe or anywhere exotic or anything, but I still am done in! My mom 👵🏼 came over today. She wanted to help, in case I couldn’t get the difficult areas done with the home rental led light array thingy (yes, all very technical terms, especially the word thingy, I mean I made the Dr repeat that difficult and technical word, thingy, on many occasions, until it flowed naturally- thingy!! See, I can hardly control my enthusiasm about getting that term right!!) My mom also brought groceries and made supper, I sure love my momma! She loves us very much and came to help. She knows how bad I get, she has seen those really bad bad days! When I stop caring about things!! I give in to everything, regarding my kids!! They have too much pop, eat poorly, watch too much TV or spend hours on-line. I know I’m too lenient on my kids. I know they stay up too late. I know they take advantage of me. I know many many sad and difficult things…I also know I’m not able to be the mom or even the person I was before. I know I’ve become a somewhat negligent mom. I know I often feel helpless and hopeless.I know I’m often unable to take care of my kids, as I should. My mom wants my pain to go away. She loves me and wants the best for me and my family. I love her dearly and had a wonderful trip with her. She is doing all she can to help me to become pain free and I appreciate it so so much!! Fortunately, I was able to do it all on my own, the light array thingy (which means I can do the treatment to myself without having to rely on someone to help me with the light array thingy everyday!).

Of course, mom and I (👵🏼&👩🏼) also watched a couple episodes of Downton Abbey, while I had the lights on and she attempted to dive into our overflowing basket of mismatched socks, to find pairs. Very very brave indeed!! My hubby is ready to throw them all into the garbage and head to Costco or Walmart or somewhere to buy us all new ones. Many of the same colour and brand and style. Then, each person gets their one colour and then when the socks come out of the drier, they just get separated by colour and thrown into that person’s sock drawer. I mean, seriously, how many families would save time and effort by following this simple system? Maybe we could market it. And set up one of those kiosk type things in the mall. We could sell a rich range of colour and style options. Perhaps even have the names embroidered on the more pricey socks. We could even have a wide range of fabric types from basic, cheap polyester to fuzzy fleece to cotton or even organic cotton or bamboo. This here shows proof of someone who has far too much time on their hands. Yes, I may have embellished my hubby’s idea somewhat (the last time when we were at Walmart he bought a huge package of 12 -cheap- black socks. All identical. He has found that finding matching socks before work much easier. However, he has come to accept that, as I said to him, they are cheap socks. Yet, his idea was sound though. Especially when he is responsible for laundry when I’m having a bad/hard week…as in my health. I could easily assign colours to the kids. Although kids socks are easier when they’re coloured and such. It just gets hard when half of your overflowing basket of clean socks are black or dark dark navy! And look at this…I just managed to write a huge random paragraph dedicated almost completely to socks!! On the bright side of things, sandal weather is here, or damn damn close!!! Then we won’t have to even think about socks!!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jog

April 14, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

I’m pretty certain that I am about to write another super short post tonight. I’m so tired today. I couldn’t keep my eyes open all day. They kept closing, seemingly of their own volition all day today. I kept doing that nodding off and jolting back up again thing all day! My little man kept laughing at me. Boy it was good to come home! I didn’t realize how much I missed my family until I saw them all. It sure felt much longer than a week. Time is such a strange thing. It didn’t feel long while we were there until maybe the last night. Mom and I were both feeling super tired by then. We missed our own beds & pillows. We missed being able to eat our own food. And mostly we missed our families! And now, on that note, I’m going to read to my son!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

The Spirit Scribe

I challenge myself to write 365 posts in 2016to heal Body, Mind & Spirit. Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Tag Archives: #meditech

It Still Goes On

Less 🙍🏼 More 💁🏼

With A Lump Of Hope In Her Throat

Almost Forgot…

LED Red Lights + LED Infared Lights = Zzzzzzz

Ug…

A Day Of Vast Cruelties

Dance Day…& Sorries!

Socks, LED Light, More Socks, More Lights…etc.

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jog