Tag Archives: #meditech

💔MY HEART’S BLEEDING TEARS FROM MY EYES💔 🙈🙈WARNING‼️ Damn Depressing, You’re Probably Better Off Skipping Tonight’s Post. 🙈🙈‼️

November 19, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry#bug bites, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

So it’s like so so late and I had a very long day. I’ve felt sad all day. Not really sure why. I’m trying to come up with one thing, but l don’t think it’s that simple. Sigh… I don’t like it when my hubby’s away, I worry and cry about things between my sister and I (I feel like I don’t know what to do to repair things and I miss her, even though I didn’t see her often, but it feels like a weight on my chest. What do you do when your worlds collide???), I miss my mom and dad when they’re in BC, I never see any of my friends – or anyone really, I’m exhausted all the time, I’ve gained so much weight it’s just ridiculous, I have no motivation or life really, I think I acted horribly at my mother-in-laws funeral service (I just want a do-over for that day), Christmas is coming and we all have dentist appointments coming (they’re so damn expensive!) we’re broke and I contribute nothing to my family, you can’t walk anywhere in my house without tripping over something, I function so poorly that I’ve dropped my son off for kindergarten late more times than I can count, my husband is asleep on his feet because he does everything, the stupid health insurance company will not cover any of the medicinal marijuana (if I start that treatment) and the cost is around $350/month, my kids walk all over me, it’s like I’ve lost any sense of “authority”(hmmm… wrong word) over them – I’m like a wet blanket that they shake out and walk al over, more like trip over because I’m so damn fat, my oldest seems to think that she runs the roost and has the tendency to treat me very disrespectfully, at the moment I think I probably have the self-worth a flea and the energy of a sloth, the new pain patch isn’t working and the pain’s been bad with it, I don’t think anything will ever work if I don’t find a way to climb out of this black-hole of depression. You’d think that with my profession (or my past profession) that I’d know where to start, instead of climbing out, I feel myself sinking lower and lower into the muck within that black-hole – it’s like the big open throat thing in the sand with spiky teeth (in Star Wars) it’s dragging me down down down and pinning me to the wall (through my cheek into my gums – just painful) to keep me stuck, with almost no way to escape and it’s so damn lonely and scary and painful and the fight to get free feels insurmountable…

And so, these are the reasons that have my crying a lot and out of the blue, not just because something specific happened (like my mother-in-law passing away). Can you say DEPRESSION????

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

Hopefully once day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Photo of the day:

Rip The Facade Apart…

November 17, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry#bug bites, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

They want a smile, so I smile

They expect everything to be “fine”

Join the hordes, act like I’m “okay”

So I pretend and don’t step out of line.

What are they afraid will happen,

When things aren’t perfect and it shows ?

This facade will start to rip apart,

Because pain doesn’t care who knows…

JKC

Hopefully once day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

The Photos Of The Day:

My silly little monkey…
My figure drawing from last night (her head & upper body is too small…darn-it!!!)

Smoking Your Medicine?? Contradiction Right??

I don’t think that there’s going to be much of a post tonight. My face is being so so stupid!! I think my pain doc wants me to try medicinal marijuana. I’m at the point where I will try almost anything, if there’s even a chance that it may help. I need to call our insurance company tomorrow, just to see if they will cover any of it. I also need to read more about it. The whole illegal, but allowed for medical treatment thing has me a bit confused. Time for some research… I’m just not a smoker – at all!! I’ve never been a smoker, ever. Also, my GP doesn’t like the smoking idea. She doesn’t understand or believe that it is all that great to prescribe something that forces you to smoke – inhaling 50% more carcinogens than smoking a cigarette – smoking is not healing!! However, she has a few patients on it nonetheless. My pain doc said that now that you can use a vaporizer smoking is no longer required. That’s good, because I am not sure if I could smoke marijuana, or anything for that matter!! Also, if my hubby’s insurance plan doesn’t cover any of it, it isn’t cheap. The one month “starter pack” is about $350.00. This includes a vaporizer (they aren’t cheap) and 3 different strains of dried marijuana. I feel completely ignorant about all of this, which is why I need to do some, maybe a lot, of reading. But right now I’m off to bed!! It has been a long long day. Night all‼️

Hopefully once day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

It’s time for…(insert drum-roll)

The Photo Of The Day!!

(Ya, it’s new, but it makes me smile, which was one of the reasons I started writing!!)

“No! I am not hoarding the rope toys. Whatever gave you that idea???”

Bang Bang Bang!!

November 15, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry#bug bites, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Clunk, bang, clatter clatter clatter in my head

Chitty chitty bang bang running on the same thread

These sounds reverberate through me;

The sounds of pain ravaging where you can’t see

Slash, slice, jab jab jab lightening on my face

BANG BANG BANG BANG pain explodes all over the place!!!

JKC

Hopefully once day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

PS: The little fluffy one is trying so hard to get the big one to play…unsuccessfully…lol

Yay Me!!!

November 14, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry#bug bites, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

New phone, new phone, new phone!! Totally unplanned, fancy-shmancy, new phone! Yay!! I may regret getting the bigger size, but my hands are so big & my eyes are so crappy, hopefully this will help me. Beside my old phone it seems huge and I’m not sure I can put it on my doc to listen to my mindfulness &/or night-time music, but I will have to figure something out. Well, this was semi-unplanned I guess. My hubby & I have been discussing whether or not we were going to get me a new phone for”Christmas!”we can just wrap the box the phone came in. Our youngest daughter’s (13) iPod touch broke a few weeks ago and, since then, she has been using my phone probably more then me! Part of me wants to say, “tough luck, natural consequences…” However, she has had the same iPod for some time now and has done a pretty good job at taking care of it. Also, when our oldest daughter lost her phone after only 3 months, we gave her my old one and I got a new one. So, lucky for our younger daughter, she gets a “freebie” too. Apparently she’s, “the only one of her friends without a phone!!” To which I usually reply, “well then we will easily be able to get ahold of you and you can always use one of their phones to contact us if you need anything!” So, my iPhone 5 is now being used as an iPod touch by our middle daughter and, lucky me, I get a brand-new phone!!! Yay me!!!

Hopefully once day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Winning Over A Friend

I have a friend, a beautiful friend, there’s so much she has done

I’m a sick friend, an unreliable friend, How was her devotion won?

I cancel last minute, I avoid everyone, I’m unreliable now

She wants to help, to give support, she’s just unsure of how.

I close my door, say “maybe tomorrow,” push all the hugs away.

I feel ashamed, how’d it get so bad? I don’t have the words to say.

I’m riddled through with unspoken curses, I want it all to end.

The pain tries to call all the shots, often winning over a friend…

JKC

Hopefully once day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Here’s A Pain, There’s Pain, Everywhere’s Some Pain Pain!!!

November 12, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry#bug bites, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Well, another long, hard, tense day of driving – for my hubby!!! Lol!! We made it though. Slow and steady wins the race, or something like that. I slept more on this drive than ever before. My dumb-arse meds probably don’t help! Or do help for something, with me getting sleep, and also, my hubby doesn’t have to worry about my anxiety with regards to the roads, and he doesn’t need to worry about how I’m feeling, with my face and back and sciatic nerve crap!! I just copy and pasted this, mainly for myself, but hey, if it’s helpful to someone else, great!!! “Sciatica is nerve pain from irritation of the sciatic nerve. The sciatic nerve is the largest nerve in the body. Sciatica pain is typically felt from the low back to behind the thigh and radiating down below the knee. Treatments for sciatica depend on the underlying cause and the severity of the pain.” Depends on the severity??? My beautiful body excels at welcoming any and all pain, in the highest, worst possible level of pain – lol!!

My hubby is 40 tomorrow!! And, with everything that’s been going on here, we have nothing done for him. I don’t even have a gift!!! Well, I ordered something, but it’s not here yet 💆🏼🙎🏼 I guess it’s time to add my name to the crappy wife list; for those who either take forever to get anything done or who forgets to do it altogether!! I really need to get creative tomorrow when he’s at work!!! I need to have at least a cake or cupcakes or something, dinner theatre or a movie (boring, boring, boring!!) Can someone (probably Jo) remind me of the name of the restaurant in the west end where they have the burger eating challenge? I can sure see him doing something like that. I’d appreciate any last minute suggestions or ideas!!

Hopefully once day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Too Late…

So, this will be short…it’s been a long few days. Today we had to leave Penticton, and start to head back home. It was very very hard to say goodbye to my hubby’s Sister. She moved to Penticton to be with her (my hubby’s) mom. It was difficult, because she was not doing so well and this just made it worse…it was like everyone came for the ceremony not her!!

Hopefully once day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Day Is Done

November 11, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry#bug bites, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

I’m so so tired tonight, well all day has been punctuated by barely concealed exhaustion. Those who know me well, could likely see the exhastion on my pained face. It’s been a very heart-wrenching couple of days. My mother-in-law was 62 years old. To me, that seems too young to die! But with her rough, abuse-ridden childhood, paired with cigarette smoking from age, wait for it… 8!!! Yup, you heard me right! There are many unpleasant and horrific stories, most of which, understandably, I won’t list here. Some of those stories I’d rather not remember; but of course those memories are permanently hanging around in my long term memory. Anyway, it’s been a very long few days and I need to go to bed, because we have another long day ahead of us tomorrow. Grief and crying…can definitely be cathartic and relieving. However, the exhastion comes along with it. It’d be nice if all was easy, but it never is, right? My hubby and I tried to prepare for the few days here, as best we could, but you’d have to be clairvoyant to know all that will come to be! And sure, it’d be nice to have those super-powers to play around with, right?? But, in the long run, those powers would probably turn into a huge weight on your shoulders…

Hopefully once day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

PS: I apologize for my out of it post from last night. It was very nonsense based, I was just all over the place. I’ve gone back and tried to make it more understandable. It was a long, sad, tear-filled day.

Memories In A Bottle

November 10, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry#bug bites, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

I believe that I’ve recently lost some of myself. Because my memory has broken down. Unfortunately, the hunt for my memories is futile…Dishes still need to get done, laundry doesn’t just go away, nope, life just keeps moving along. The fact that my medications mess with my memory is a moot point (& yes, I’ve wanted The amount of people who ask me how I actually keep up with the my blog, especially with all of my health crap, is getting awfully high.

We have to do the long long drive home in two days. However, we knew this weekend would be a short trip. The drive itself may be super long, but we needed to be here. My mother-in-law’s memorial service was today. Today was a strange, sad sad blur. What else do you expect for a memorial service?? Too upsetting to attend, but too upsetting to miss…

Fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow.

Hopefully once day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I aaAAary r

The Spirit Scribe

I challenge myself to write 365 posts in 2016to heal Body, Mind & Spirit. Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Tag Archives: #meditech

💔MY HEART’S BLEEDING TEARS FROM MY EYES💔 🙈🙈WARNING‼️ Damn Depressing, You’re Probably Better Off Skipping Tonight’s Post. 🙈🙈‼️

Rip The Facade Apart…

Smoking Your Medicine?? Contradiction Right??

Bang Bang Bang!!

Yay Me!!!

Winning Over A Friend

Here’s A Pain, There’s Pain, Everywhere’s Some Pain Pain!!!

Too Late…

Day Is Done

Memories In A Bottle