Tag Archives: #chronic pain

The Writing Takes Care Of Itself

May 5, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

My little man turns 5 tomorrow! I can hardly believe it! He’s my baby. It’s crazy!! I don’t know where the time went. I seriously don’t… I know people say things like that all the time, but I feel like I have a lot blanks over the past few years. Due to my medication, I think… It’s so so frustrating. It makes me so angry! Not just angry, sad. It makes me so sad. I want some normal. I am too tired of all of this garbage! I suppose I don’t forget it all, when I stop and actually look back. I can slowly fill in the blanks. Some is fuzzy and if I make an effort to recall things, more comes back to me. There are some things lost though. My short-term memory is bad. I forget things I just read or said. I lose my train of thought super easily! I forget that I’ve watched movies. Sometimes I lose the entire movie, like everything!! Other times, if I think about it or watch it again, it’ll come back to me. I forget emails that I read. Birthday party invites my kids show me. If I don’t put the info into my phone right away, I may forget all about it. My hubby and I can have a conversation about, maybe phoning the dentist to make an appointment for one of the kids and if I don’t write it down, I will easily forget all about it… I must be super frustrating to live with! Lol! I try to laugh about it, but I wonder if all of this damn medication is doing more harm than good! Shouldn’t the positive aspects of a medication (like pain relief, for example) out weigh the negative side-effects? Because, I don’t think my pills have that balance, the good results being higher than the bad… I was planning on having this discussion with the pain specialist. To decide if I should go off of a number of my meds. Many people have asked me about medical marihuana. From what I’ve read, the long term effects of medical marihuana use (am I even spelling that correctly??) seem to be less harmful than that of some of my current medications. I’ve read that it has helped some people with MS as well as some with TN. There is so much stigma about this, but frankly, if it helps, that’s all I care about!! However, it’s pretty damn hard to have this conversation with a Dr who is continuously cancelling and rescheduling your appointment!! Anyway, how I went from my son’s 5th birthday being tomorrow to medical marihuana is a bit of a mystery! I guess that is what you get when you just write whatever’s on your mind. The writing takes care of itself and I say whatever I needed to say. And now, what I need to say is that I’m knackered (I love this word!! I have a good friend who uses this all of the time and I’m trying to adopt it as my own! I don’t know if it actually sounds like “me”, but it is an apt description of how I’m feeling! It just seems to cover it all, from being physically tired to being mentally and emotionally tired as well. I just love it…is that strange?? If so, oh well! Lol)

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Unrest

May 4, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

I am filled with a Strange sense today, like something important is astray

I have an unsettling feeling of unease, a foreign scent within the breeze

Mid-step it makes me pause, yet I can’t quite ascertain the cause

It leaves me with a wary heart, my body heavy in each and every part

I wish I could put it into words, or find some way for it to be heard

It’s everything and nothing mixed as one, it’s building up, yet remains undone

So if you see a slight hitch in my step, or sense me lacking my general pep

I can’t yet give the answer why, as it floats away from my conscious eye

I’m left without answers to this test, and this sense of unrest upon my breast

JKC

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Words…

May 3, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Words…

Some flow quickly, from my head or heart and through my hands

While others are coaxed, slowly and delicately the ideas expand

None are wrong or right, nor good or bad

They draw out the truth, whether happy or sad

I need not judge, for they speak my heart,

Though hesitate, I might, for shame or regret can smart

Yet hiding behind mirrors, is to offer full exposure

After all, I’m in desperate need for some closure

Releasing it all as it comes, without hesitation or pause

Is certainly not an easy way out of the blame or cause

But I hope that, perhaps, I can begin to heal myself

If not physically, emotional relief is healing, in and of itself…

Just words…

JKC

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Enough Said

May 2, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Life with chronic pain sure does like to drain everything I’ve tried in vain and leaves me with a frazzled brain. I feel just like the rain or caught in the wrath of Kane with this stupid awful pain it’s driving me insane!! I don’t know what to say or what to write today. I hate when I feel this way and when the pain won’t stay away. Sometimes it’s just so slow or rather, I feel so. I have no get up and go, my body just says no! I want say “I’m great”, but my answer comes too late. I want to jump up and celebrate, but my body says, “no wait”… So I feel frustrated and sad. Then that just makes me mad! I wonder if things are really that bad. How much overreacting is to be had? If I expect only the worst, won’t that be what happens first? If I’m down and feeling yuck doesn’t that effect my luck? If we create what we believe and think, am I the manifesting a life that’s bound to sink? If I get stuck in the negative and the “oh, poor me”, what more from life do I expect to see? If I want to head in a way that’s new, I have to find a way to wade through all of his goo…I kind of feel like I’m rambling on just to fill up space, meanwhile I have too much pain shooting down my face. So I guess that means I have to go to bed, and that’s that – enough said!!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

I Am Me

Who am I?

I am A mother A daughter A wife A friend

I can sing and laugh and cry and pray

I am A sister A giver A pleaser A smiler

I will love and hurt and mend and care

I am A dramatic A healer A confident A servant

I may try or give in or trust or doubt

I am A liar A saint A patient A helper

I have faith and hope and stubbornness and impatience

I am A student A writer A depressant A role model

I am Sadness and Love and Pain and Sensitivity

I am Me

JKC

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Thanx Friends ♥️♥️

April 30, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Today was my daughter’s last dance competition for the year. I feel pretty exhausted. It’s funny because I hardly had to do anything! We got her makeup done here at home and then her friend’s mom picked her up. They have to arrive an hour and a half before their competition. Because I had to take my little monkey (my 4 year old son) with me, she offered to pick my daughter up, so we could come a bit later. It made less time for my son to have to sit and watch dance. Even so, he sat very quietly. He only started to get restless near the end. By then there were only a couple numbers left. So, I know I’m sick and not up to snuff (whatever that really means), but, man oh man, why am I so exhausted?? I am super tired of how slow my body is…I’m not sure that made any sense, did it?? What I was intending to say was that I wish I had a normal amount of energy. That I wouldn’t get tired so easily. I mean how hard is it to sit in a theatre and watch kids dancing? And she’s only in one dance! Many of these girls dance in a lot of dances! My sister’s girls are probably in about 8 dances. She had to be there on one of the competition days from 9:30AM until around 10:00PM! I don’t know how I would survive that! My daughter would love to be in more competition numbers, but that’s not happening this year! And, in many ways, that’s a relief, because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t get through it without collapsing!! I’d have to be recruiting help from friends and family, even more than I do now…which would be over-the-top…

And, on that note, I wish to thank all of my friends and family for their continued love and support. I would be lost and alone without you. XOX

I have this yuck feeling in the dark place under my heart…I can’t figure out why. But, it’s this sick feeling that my spirit is in a state of unrest…Usually when I have this feeli, it’s because something needed to be said and was left unresolved. Yet, I can’t put my finger on what is causing it. Hope I can sleep and it comes to me in my dreams, or I awaken knowing what it is, because I hate this feeling…yuck!!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Wondering “If Only”…

April 29, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Can someone please tell me why divorce & custody resolution has to be so damn hard?! I’ve had so many friends, both male and female, who have gotten divorced and the battles in and out of court always seem to be dragged out so so long, as long as possible or as long as the money lasts or often beyond that point… I’ve written letters for and have had to testify for friends. I’ve worked with kids and families who are trying to figure out how to live again, with who and where. And, it’s just super hard on everyone! I mean everyone!! (Well, maybe not the lawyers!!!). Please understand, that I’m not trying to open a can of worms or upset anyone and I realize that the issues are rarely plain black and white. It’s just that so much energy goes to fighting in court and lawyers and back and forth between the exes…I know resolution is often hard. That there are many sides to every story. Etc.. I just think it’s so so sad. All of the effort is put into the battle…is there anything left for the kids or your own life? Is there any time left? Any money left? Any energy left? The stress and anxiety and uncertainty and mistrust and “he said” “she said”, it just goes on and on. Our kids go through all of those same emotions alongside their parents, regardless of how hard the parents (sometime both, but often only one of the parents) attempt to shield them from it. And when there’s finally a lull for 6 months or maybe even a year or two, suddenly the battle recurs as the kids hit certain ages. Or one of the parents has a change of heart or “evidence” against the ex spouse…And bam! Suddenly the resolution is no longer there and we’re back in court…again! Meanwhile, the kids grow up and we grow resentful and exhausted and we realize we forgot to live our lives. To be present for our lives and those of our children…to laugh and smile and dance and cry and sing and hope and embrace our children and our lives. I know I’ve never been in this difficult position & I hope that I will never have to be. I’ve just seen this played out far too many times to count. So much pain and sadness and anger. Are we marrying too easily? Are we having kids too quickly? Are we not trying hard enough or trying too hard? Is it just how the world is now? Where more than 50% of marriages end in divorce? What’s happening to us and our priorities or lack thereof? Please understand that I’m not trying to judge. It is the whole system that irks me! And, I have made many poor choices, as we all have. I was lucky enough to realize, just in time, that I needed to run away…quickly!! Before marrying that very wrong and emotionally abusive man! Very lucky… And even now, our first daughter was an unplanned blessing to our lives. But, yes, unplanned is true. I just lucked out that my beautiful surprise was with a man I wanted to spend my days with. I just wonder if this battle is ever won? Is more damage done to everyone in the end? Adults and children? Friends and family? Grandma’s and Grandpa’s? Neighbours…not many are left untouched.

Are we left broken and lonely and untrusting; wondering “if only”…

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Neck Issues…Weird

April 28, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

Wow! What a day. A day of exhaustion and ill health…ill health-lol!!!! What a silly expression. I don’t think I’ve ever actually said that before. I’ve had an off day today. I know that I have likely said that before. I apologize for the repetitiveness. It’s just that from the moment I woke up today I felt sort of fuzzy-brained. Like I’m slugging my way through a foggy marsh; super unfocused and in slow-motion. I woke up in pain. I know that isn’t abnormal for me or a new thing, but today it was there from the moment I woke up. And not just my face. It was like the right side of my body was in revolt, or rather, is in revolt. Before I even opened my eyes I could feel pounding at the base of my skull and in the right-hand side of my head, behind my right eye and of course, shooting pain down my cheek. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget the constant aching in my right shoulder… And yes I know I’m bitching a lot, but the worst thing, on top of it all, is this weird stiffness in my neck. It is just aching so so much and it’s weirdly stiff. It hurts if I turn my head or tilt up or down. So there it is. The end of my complaints for the day! Done and done!! I mean I can’t be positive two days in a row right? There’s only so much I can do people.

And, I’m sorry to say, that it’s coming around my neck to the front of my throat. It’s a strange and awful feeling and I have to go lie down now. Maybe I’m paranoid…it just aches and I can hardly move it. The paranoia stems from meningitis all those years ago…Sorry for the negative post. Truly sorry. I have been feeling more positive and hopeful of late, it’s just a bad bad feeling and I can’t write more.

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

So Here’s A Toast 🍻 To The Warmer Weather‼️

April 27, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

A day of sun🌞, after strange prolonged snow❄️.

Can we wear our sandals👣? Can our winter boots⛄️ truly go?

Let’s cross our fingers✋🏼and hope spring’s 🌷here.

The winter weather☁️ was so so bizzare 😁 this year!

Finally finally ⌚️we can have some fun😎!

I’m so tired of the bla’s 😞and the lack of sun🌞!

We’ve had severe wind💨 and random storms 💦⚡️!

And we’ve been waiting ⌛️for things to return to their norms.

And “they” say we’re in luck 🎰, and tomorrow should to be better!!

So here’s a toast 🍻 to the warmer weather‼️

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

A Long Long Day

April 26, 2015Uncategorized# atypical facial pain, # kids, # laser therapy, #acute pain, #Beaumont AB, #chronic fatigue, #chronic pain, #clinical depression, #dependency, #edmonton, #facial pain, #lasertherapy, #mairrage, #medication, #meditation for pain relief, #meditech, #MVD surgery, #neuroplasticity, #pain, #pain relief, #pain sensitization, #parenting, #poetry, #Striking Back, #TN, #TN research, #trigeminal neuralgia, #www.tnnme.com, #www.zazzle.com, #yoga for pain reliefJenn

So today I’m exhausted. I know this isn’t the first time I’ve said this, but it is so so true!! My daughter’s dance picture day was today. Also, I had my volunteer duty today. This started at 7:30AM!!! Well, once my good friend (& fellow volunteer) picked me up we had to get coffee. I mean had to!!! So, we were probably there at 7:40 ish. Which, as far as I’m concerned, is still far too early!! We had to work until about 11:30 signing people in and handing out costumes. Our girls were there and very very helpful. It wasn’t “hard” work. But it was just a very long day. My daughter’s in 5 dances and her last photo wasn’t until 5:50…so, needless to say, it was a long day & I’m super tired. I think I will sleep hard tonight!! I do enjoy seeing all of the beautiful costumes. They are always so great! From the little 4-5 year olds all the way to the 17 year olds! So nice to see all of the beautiful dancers. The photos always turn out great. And my daughter & her friends said that the photographer was really nice and funny. He made them feel very comfortable, which should lead to great photos!! I look forward to seeing them! Well, my pain is starting to strike hard and my shoulder/arm is so bad that my fingers are tingly and numb. Ouch! I still did my home red light/infrared treatment for my face & neck, as I’m supposed to do it every day. But, now I’m off to bed!! Sorry this is so short, but I’m just done in!! Goodnight😴

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

The Spirit Scribe

I challenge myself to write 365 posts in 2016to heal Body, Mind & Spirit. Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Tag Archives: #chronic pain

The Writing Takes Care Of Itself

Unrest

Words…

Enough Said

I Am Me

Thanx Friends ♥️♥️

Wondering “If Only”…

Neck Issues…Weird

So Here’s A Toast 🍻 To The Warmer Weather‼️

A Long Long Day