Tag Archives: #Beaumont AB

Random Rhyming Rant!

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Pain just sucks!

It makes me mad.

I can’t bloody stand it!

It’s just so bad.

It pierces deep,

It shocks and stabs.

It pisses me off!

As my life it grabs.

I’ve had enough,

Of all of this crap!

I’m venting now,

Just running my yap!

I’m writing anything,

That’s on my mind.

I just need to rant,

With any words I find.

So don’t judge me,

Or what I say.

You don’t understand,

How I got this way.

I need to curse,

To scream and yell.

To get it out,

And escape this hell.

So I’ll write and write,

Whatever comes to me.

To help get it out,

And to let me be.

JKC

Please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!!!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Who Am I Anyway? I Mean, Right Now?

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Seriously a slow slow day at my house. No one is feeling very well. My oldest looks like she’s a vampire she’s so pale. My middle daughter has been coughing for days and sounds horrible and has a bizzarely husky voice when she talks. And, my little man went to bed too late last night (although that was my fault) so he is crying at the drop of a hat. I’m afraid that he’s getting sick too…I hope not. I hate when little people are sick. I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it when any of my kids are sick, but when they’re really young it’s hard. They need you more. They’re more cuddly and touchy, they don’t understand why they feel bad or why you can’t “make it all better.” I do love the cuddles, but it gets hard to do anything else, when they are really sick and want mommy.  And, of course, I don’t feel well either. I know that’s nothing new but it’s so much easier when I’m the only who feels crappy… This really sounds like me feeling sorry for myself which wasn’t my intention. Sorry for that!

So my hubby is going out of town all week for work, which never happens. I know many people whose husbands work out of town a lot. The majority of whom go “up north” to work at the rigs. I always marvelled at how they get by. I feel so dependent on my husband. It’s strange, because it is not how I ever thought I’d end up, being super dependent on my partner. I went to school, under grad and masters. Worked to take care of myself, with or without a partner. I remember my dad talking to me about making sure I can depend on myself and take care of myself. To never rely solely on another person for your welfare. Yet, here I am freaking out a bit that my husband’s going to be gone all week. I realize that I’m a victim of circumstance and that I obviously didn’t plan getting sick and being unable to hold down a job because of debilitating pain. Still, I don’t like how vulnerable it makes me feel when I think about being alone this week. He does so so much at home. He takes care of almost everything! I’m lucky to have him. I’ve read many sad stories on-line of partners leaving in chronic pain situations. Too many. It is understandable, because I see how much is put onto my husband, but it is still very sad. I don’t know what I’d do if he wasn’t here. I don’t want to think that way. I could understand resentment building up. He has no down time, especially on my really bad days. Anyway, this turned into a bit of a ramble, didn’t it? For this week, I do have many friends who have told me to call if I need anything. Also, my parent’s are home from their BC house and will help out if I need anything. It’s just so strange. I also see him worrying about going and don’t want him to feel guilty. I believe I carry enough guilt for the two of us…probably for many more then just the two of us. I know we’ll (the kids & I) be fine. I just have this weird sense of dread in my stomach and it makes me look at how I got to this place. Of dependence on my husband and anxiety about him being gone. Weird…I feel like I’ve lost so much of myself.

Who am I anyway?? I mean right now? Who am I, who have I become? Am I okay with who I am currently?? Something to ponder…

I’ve been changed by my pain…or maybe by the suffering? Whichever it is, Trigeminal Neuralgia has altered things. If you want to help, please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!!!  

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

By No Means Do I Intend To Give In!

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Stupid pain just go away.

Please give me peace for just one day!

I’ve got so many things to do.

I have three kids who need me too!

There’s always something that they need,

But you bleed me dry with all your greed.

My husband’s left to do it all,

When I’m off court he’s tossed the ball.

You just swoop on in to run the show,

And demand that everything else must go.

I’m so so tired of this terrible game,

Yet everyday it’s just more of the same.

You keep on pushing, you just won’t quit,

But neither will I, you can count on it!

I have too much to live for, too much to do,

So I won’t give up my life to you.

You may come down hard and hold the reins,

But I’ll find a way to break those chains.

Today I may have let you win,

But by no means do I intend to give in.

JKC

Please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!!! 

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Do You Ever Feel Like It’s All In Your Head??

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Do you ever feel like it’s all in your head?

Like nobody’s listened to a word you’ve said?

They nod and smile and pretend to care,

But you can tell they’d rather not be there!

The doctors tell you there’s nothing else to do.

And you start to wonder if they believe you.

You take pills and pills for everything,

Even for the side effects that some pills bring.

You don’t know why there are so many to take.

The whole damn thing feels like a big mistake!

You pray to God to give you your life back,

As you feel your sanity beginning to crack.

You ask what you did to deserve all of this,

To take the pain away is all that you wish.

The doubt you read on everyone’s face,

Makes you question just how you got to this place.

Did you do something wrong right from the start?

Then the doubt and the guilt flow into your heart.

And now I’ve come full circle to what I first said,

Do you ever feel like it’s all in your head?

JKC

Trigeminal Neuralgia sucks!!!  

So, please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!!! 

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Taken Care Of By My Four Year Old…

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So, today I was cared for by my four year old son. I woke up in pain, which is not new and he asked his dad (my hubby) to get me some ice. He was lying down beside me, rubbing my arm and saying “don’t worry, it’ll be okay mommy.  I love you.” My hubby had to go to work. Before he left he got me fresh ice and brought up a yogurt tube and breakfast bar for my little man. Then, I had the television set to Disney Jr. and he was playing a game on the iPad. I was half asleep, lying beside him on my ice pack. The whole time I had my arm around him and he kept rubbing it and telling me he loves me and that I will be okay. I have a pretty terrific little boy. He’s such a sweetie. It fills me with guilt…I should be taking care of him! So so hard…

Yep…that was pretty much my day. Nothing accomplished but guilt! Well, I made it through an extreme pain day without completely falling apart. So, I guess that’s something…maybe? I’m feeling super low right now and very unmotivated to write. So, I think this is about all I’m going to write for today. I don’t forsee myself having anything positive to say and I’m in too much pain anyway. Sorry for the boring post! Better then nothing though.

Hey, don’t forget to sign the petition to get the World Health Organization (WHO) to put Trigeminal Neuralgia onto their “Health Topic List” at http://www.tnnme.com

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Imagine A World Of Fantasy And Dreams

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Imagine a world of fantasy and dreams.

A world where nothing is as it seems.

A butterfly may wink and wave hello.

A flower can chose which colour to grow.

A mushroom tips its’ hat as you walk by.

Walking on the grass makes the dandelions cry!

There are surprises everywhere you look,

You feel like you’ve fallen into a book.

Astonishment shows all over your face,

A bumble bee asks if you’ve lost your place.

Your jaw drops open converying the shock,

It’s hard to believe a bumble bee can talk!

Since magic has created all of these things,

Perhaps it can grant you a pair of wings!

Yes, now you can fly above the trees.

High in the air you drift with the breeze.

It’s nice to let go, to feel so light and free.

To fly above the mountains and over the sea.

You skim along the water where the whales sing.

You can fly anywhere and do anything.

Imagine a world of fantasy and dreams,

Where you decide how everything seems!

JKC

Please go to http://www.tnnme.com to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!

Sign This Petition Please At www.tnnme.com

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Okay. I’m too frustrated today. I phoned the Dr that I was supposed to see last Friday who ended up cancelling (2days before) to see if she has rebooked me for a new time for my “pain assessment”. She had said that she will get me in as soon as possible, since he was “out of town” on the day of my original appointment. So the new date is April 24!!!! Seriously I am so damn tired of this type of bullshit! Sorry for the language…I think I’m just at the end of my rope!  Hanging by threads only… I couldn’t sleep last night and am exhausted tonight. So, I’m not writing much more tonight. Just one important thing!

Please Please Please go to the following website and sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) onto their “Health Topic List”. (Yes, the horrible disease that I am living with on a day to day basis and constantly complaining about!!) There is no cost involved, just your name and email address is needed to “sign” the petition. They’re at 15,902 signatures. The goal is for 20,000 signatures, so please sign and forward the information to all of your friends and families, to annoy them, have them sign and then forward it on to their friends and families to have them sign and so on and so on. Also doing so will make me smile!!! 😍😍😍😍😍 Lol!!

Trigeminal Neuralgian and Me:

http://www.tnnme.com

There are other ways to support TN research and awareness. There are additional links listed at the end of the petition. Also, if you go to http://www.zazzle.com and enter Trigeminal Neuralgia into their search engine, you can find a variety of purchases that go towards TN research, support  and awareness. But, only if you want to.

But, to reiterate! Please please sign the petition (yes, it’s free!!!).

FIND THE PETITION HERE:

Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me

http://www.tnnme.com

Thanx everyone!!!

Oh and, just in case anyone asks, no I do not make any royalties or anything. I am not a part of these organizations, they just make me happy and the Petition is super important to me. That is all!!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!