Had a strangely long day today. Not sure why it’s felt like that though. I haven’t actually done all that much, but it feels like it’s been stretched out. I also have had an anxious feeling in my gut all day today. It’s weird, I don’t know what it’s all about…like something’s wrong or I’m forgetting something important. I’m not 100% sure what it’s about. I do know that some of it is due to my rash, emotional decision I made yesterday to take in a puppy that needed some love. I was only thinking about myself and how much I needed to do something, anything… I have been in “I don’t give a shit!” / “I give up!” mode for a while. Just doing nothing really, for myself or my family. I’ve just turned into a fat lump, one who just moves between bed, the couch and back to bed. If I have to get the kids or something, then I do it, but otherwise, I just do nothing. I mean nothing! I avoid people. I don’t get out socially. I don’t really want to be seen. I feel embarrassed and ashamed about how much weight I’ve gained. Pretty much the only thing that I do is write this every day. Then when I read the ad about a young woman (not yet 30 I’d guess) who was diagnosed with a debilitating disease, who was on her own, living in an apartment with 4 dogs and 2 cats (one 25lb one!), who could no longer care for them and needed to re-home them. I just thought, hey, I could do that. I could help her. I can’t imagine being alone, without the love and support of my family. My hubby, my kids, my mom & dad, my good friends… I saw that it can be worse. I could be alone. I’m not alone and she is, and I so so just wanted to feel useful and worthy of something. I wanted something that would make me feel good about myself. So, I called her and met with her and brought her adorable, little puppy to our house. This girl, who seems to have a heart of gold, found this poor little girl abandoned and alone out at night. She was dirty and matted and starving. And, she took her in. Even though she already had 3 dogs (one who had been rescued from an abusive and awful situation), in an apartment!! She got her cleaned up. Took her to the vet. They posted ads, on-line and paper ads, but no-one claimed her. And then about a month later this kind young lady got sick. She needed help. So, I wanted to help. The thing about all of this and whether or not my intentions were good, is that I should have spoken to my husband first. I let myself get so drawn in that I forgot to stop and talk to the person that does so much for me. I was selfish and I’m sorry. He knows this, we’ve talked through it, but I’m still feeling bad. I love him so much and I am so used to him just being there for everything, no questions asked. Well, I know, now, that I took advantage of him and it was wrong. I am so thankful for that man!!😘
To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!
Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!
The Spirit Scribe 