So, to be completely honest, I almost totally forgot to write today 😱! I was  going up to bed and saying goodnight to my hubby and he asked if I’m going to be writing late or if I’d already finished and I felt a bit like crying…because I’m so tired and just wanted to go to bed. I also forgot that I had to purchase the tickets for my daughter’s year end dance show today. In a past life I was on the ball about these things!! I’d have a reminder on my calendar. I’d have my credit card and everything ready to go online as soon as ticketmaster opened, in order to get the best seats possible. My girls actually complained on more than one occasion that they didn’t like seeing us right in front while they were dancing! It was distracting for them. Well, anyway, my daughter and I checked at about 10:00 tonight (yes, she was up late) and saw that they went on sale today 🙍🏼 (sad me!). Anyway, she won’t be complaining this year, because we’re in row O…🙍🏼🙍🏼 (double the sad!!). She definitely won’t be able to see us, I just hope that we can see her!! And now it’s almost midnight and I didn’t want to go to bed this late…again.  So, on that note, I’m putting a short, fairly depressing (shocking – right??) poem “from the vault” (Hee Hee! I like that expression!!) I pulled out a journal and said to myself that I’ll write the poem that is found on whichever page I end up opening to…here goes.

Why do I hurt?

Why do I feel such pain?

Is there a reason for my suffering?

Something that might explain?

Always tired

Always lonely

Always shameful

Wishing, if only…

If only I could

And maybe I should

I think I may just

Oh, if only I would!

No inspiring insight

No signs of change

No next great moves

For me to arrange.

My “only if’s”

My “should” and “could”

Bring no relief,

Who thought they would?

So, I’m feeling lost and hopeless,

Without control of what life brings,

I see now that I’m just the puppet,

I don’t get to pull the strings…

JKC

May 5, 2007

Well, the good news is that I’m so much more positive now…har har har!! Yep, clearly this current depression is not my first! Apologies about the negativity. Like I said, I wrote what I found on the page that one of my old journals opened on. And, with this uplifting and positive poem, I say goodnight🌜🌜🌜

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!         

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!