I had such a long, awful night last night. I got hardly any sleep and I’m feeling just exhausted today. Don’t you just hate when you’re sick and every time you lie down you can’t stop your nose from running and you can’t breath and you feel like you’re about to sleep, but the coughing also keeps you up…yah, fun right??  So, I’ve had a long, bla day. Spent most of it upstairs with my little man. He’s such a sweetie. I’m a lucky lucky mom. My oldest spent more than half of the day in bed (spring break) and my middle daughter was off with friends from about 10:30 this morning until supper. She’s the social one. She’s so much like me… I am fearing her teenage years. I think we had it easy with our oldest. She is definitely a stubborn one…but we didn’t have to worry about any crazy partying or not knowing where she was, who she’s with, etc. We always knew/know all of her friends, what they were up to.  They often would end up at our house, her friends always seemed to be comfortable here. It’s not that there were no arguments or that she didn’t go behind our backs, or do any other regular teenage stuff, but there wasn’t anything over the top, super hard to handle etc. etc.  But, my middle daughter, who also has some of the stubborn gene (it strangely seems to show up in all of my children – haven’t quite been able to figure out where that came from, lol) is much more social. She’s only in grade 7, but I see it coming. Don’t get me wrong. I love and adore her so so much. I just see her starting to really care about what other people think, the brand and style of her clothes, she gets embarrassed easily…etc. etc.  I worry that it is because of me. Worrying about what others want and think, feeling that I’m not good enough, have to always say or do the right thing, don’t want to look stupid, just low self-esteem I guess. Well, actually I don’t think she’s there yet, I mean her self-esteem isn’t as bad as mine. I fear it’s starting. She’s a dancer, usually pretty confident, but I see that confidence starting to slip. It hurts my heart. This is another reason why I hold such resentment to her current dance school, I feel like the messed up, “clique forming”, system slowing knocks kids down. They chip away at the dancers hearts and self-esteem, until the ones that are left-out slowly start to drop out. It hurts my heart. I know she’s amazing, not just as a dancer, but as a person. I hate when you see kids losing their innocence and their trust. When they realize that the world contains cruelty and judgment. I know she’s in grade 7 and she already knows a lot of this, but I just hate to watch her, well all kids really, as they start to doubt themselves and give up parts of themselves to make others happy or to fit in. It’s just so so sad. When you witness their innocence and little-kid-like behaviours slowly transform.  It is just so sad. It makes me treasure all of the beautiful moments I still have with my 4 year old. To hold onto those times, because I know it shifts and changes. It’s not all bad, but there is a sad sort of farewell to innocence that all parents are forced to witness. It’s not easy, on the kids or parents. But, it is real. So so sad…

And, I have no clue where this topic came from. But, it is what it is. And, because I’m still sick and can’t stop coughing, I’m going to get ready for bed.

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health Topic List”!