Well, after yesterday’s very sad poem, I definitely won’t be writing about anything overly serious today. I’m feeling really awful today anyway, so I’m planning on short & sweet. I saw my Dr finally & she said I can just stop the pills that have been making me feel so sick. Assuming that is what has been causing it! If I still feel nauseas next week, I get to go back. Yay!! I hope that it is the pills. I’m sick of unknowns regarding my health! I wish it could be easy…you feel like this,  you take this, you feel better. There are just so so many things involved in our overall health that there never seems to be just a simple answer or solution. So, tonight my answer will be to go to bed early. I can’t feel pain or sick to my stomach if I’m asleep!!  I may have to market this as a pain relief method, just go to sleep and bam – no more pain!! You just have to be able to actually fall asleep in the first place. And, how you do that or what you use to help you to do that is none of my business!!  (Unless I can’t fall asleep myself & you’re willing to share…lol!!)

Why does there always have to be politics & drama involved with so many damn things?? It is so frustrating. You have to say things the right way, in the right tone, to the right people. I mean, I’m not naive, I know there’s a time & a place for saying & doing certain things. It’s just some times, I find myself in situations where I want to shake people or yell out loud or do something, anything to “wake people up” which, of course, I don’t do. Do you know what I mean? When you’re at a meeting and everyone is being polite & saying what is expected to be said, nodding & smiling, while inside I’m thinking “I can’t possibly be the only one here who know this is all just a load of BS!! I mean, why are you all smiling??  I know for a fact that ‘Sue’ over there fundamentally disagrees with everything ‘Frank’ is saying, but look at her go, all smiles & nods…”  That is absolutely one thing that I do not miss about working. Trying to keep all the right people happy.

I’ve been a people pleasing person for so long, you know the ones who say sorry for almost everything, I think I’m just getting tired of it… So today, at my Dr’s appointment, the nurse asks, as she walks me to the exam room, “Do you mind seeing your Dr’s Medical student first today?” Inside I’m screaming “YES!!! Yes, I do mind!!  If you can’t tell, I feel like bleep right now!  My face is clearly being zapped by an electric cord that someone must have somehow, secretly wired into my cheek when I wasn’t looking, I have an ice pick that has permanently been jammed into my ear that some invisible hand pounds on periodically & unpredictably throughout the day (I’m thinking maybe she’s crazy or sick, because she clearly can’t see these tools of torture hanging off of the right hand side of my face…maybe she could see the Dr’s student, while I see my actual Dr.) Oh, and if you stay too close Hon, (I, too, can use inappropriate terms of endearment!!) I may barf on your shoes!!!!!” However, out-loud, I say, “No, of course not. That would be great!!” (Really!!!  I can’t just say, “Sure” or something??) Why do I feel the need to be so damn nice to people all of the time?  Even people who don’t deserve it?? Just nod & smile & pretend everything’s okay…I’m tired of it. It’s exhausting. I have enough in my life to exhaust me, I’ve got to get rid of the unnecessary things – if someone is rude, unkind, bullying or generally pissing me off, I need to stand up for myself. I have to look at it as taking care of myself, not being rude to someone else…especially if the behaviour is done in defence.  I don’t even have to be rude (out loud – lol), but I should at least defend myself.

Huh…something for me to think about. Now I actually have to go to bed.😴

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!