Feeling kinda like, hmmmm. What to do?  What to do?   Poem, day to day stuff, serious, funny…or, you know I could be like most normal people and go to bloody sleep!!!!  My hubby always says, “sleep is over-rated!” That’s because he will work himself, both at work & home, until he is completely & utterly exhausted. But, he can, irritatingly so, function fairly well with little sleep.  I, on the other hand, cannot!! Also, he can fall asleep the second his head hits the pillow, sometimes I think it’s even a hair of a moment before his head touches the pillow!!!  I have fall asleep fast jealousy…I usually take forever to fall asleep, regardless of how tired I am or when I go to bed!!  Also, I’m not now & never have been a morning person & I have never claimed otherwise.  I am super tired, however, I haven’t written today & “my rules”, since I’m challenging myself, are that I have to write a minimum of one post per day for each day (all 365 of them!!!) of 2015. So, here I am at a really stupid time when, after a long day, I probably should be sleeping by now. But, I am committing to this, because I have to. I really & truly need to & intend to follow through with this challenge!! I just wanted to be clear. This is important to me. It is not something I want to try out or take a look at or give it a go…no, not at all, this is something that I AM DOING!!! And that is all there is to it!!

And so, I am in decision mode. Some days it’s a no-brainer, like a poem just rolls out of my brain & I write it down or something is going on that I just needed to talk about, so having a minor rant or vent makes sense. Today, however, I’m indecisive.

Hmmmmm…. I’m still thinking of how late it is & how tired I’m going to be tomorrow & what a non-morning person I am!! The other day, we (My hubby, the kids & I) were going somewhere (I can’t actually remember where we were going, so it couldn’t have been that important) & I was pretty slow moving getting ready & into the van, which shouldn’t be surprising to someone who knows me well!!  (Oh &, as one other minor little bitchy vent [sorry hon], why do I always hear that they are all ready to go out the door & that they’re just waiting for me & then, when I’m ready to go, I come down to see that the dog isn’t in her kennel,  my four year old’s stuff isn’t ready, if we need to bring something, regardless of what it is or where we’re going, it’s also not ready yet? I try to hurry, then rush downstairs to discover that all of these things aren’t done yet, so I have to do them, but then, guess who looks even later & slower???) & anyway, to get back to my bad morning personality!! On this particular day, my hubby made a comment in the van something along the lines of, “you seem so tired, if you’d woken up earlier & got moving at a better time I wouldn’t have been so frustrated…[not exact quote, I’m downplaying the colourful language!!]”. I scrutinized him suspiciously, was he trying to be funny or, huh, I couldn’t help wondering if, perhaps he had been possessed or maybe aliens had gained mind control while he had slept, or he could possibly have been cloned…I couldn’t rule anything out!  I mean the man I married knows, he just knows, that mornings & I don’t see eye to eye. So, not wanting to frighten the children about the possibility of an imposter, I tried to act as normal as possible. I mean this was supposed to be my husband beside me. We have a 17 year old daughter  – so we obviously had not just woken up from a drunken one-nighter to an awkward morning trying to make polite conversation over a steaming cup of the “morning after” obligatory coffee.  Nope, this is the man who I have been with for close to 20 years. I hoped a few questions would help me find out if he was just having an off day or if, indeed, he had somehow been tampered (okay yah, that’s a weird use of the word!!) with in the night! I looked at him as he was driving and asked “You do know who I am right?” With an extremely puzzled expression he responded with a simple question of his own, “yah, what do you mean?” I said, “you do know that Tay’s 17 right?” Again with the confused expression, “sure of course, what are you talking about.”  So, at this point I figure, okay, cats out of the bag; he clearly thinks I’m the one acting oddly, which means, he’s likely just fine. So I say, “I was just confused. Earlier, when you were upset and talking about how I was holding everything up in the morning, it felt strange to me, like we had just met & you had no idea that I am probably the farthest possible opposite side of the spectrum from being a morning person. You were acting so surprised, like you didn’t know at all that morning is my nemesis!!”  He just smiled, shrugged, shook his head & laughed all at once somehow!! Lol!!  And that, Ladies & Gentlemen, was all I got from him. No opportunity to try out an exorcism or anything…😜😉

Mornings are when he is at his best. He wants us to do our shopping, running around, cleaning, well, basically anything & everything in the AM.  He would be much happier if we would all just get our shit together & start acting like “normal”…his normal.  His fun & inclusive view that occasionally pops out is basically that if we would all just do it the “right way”, which, coincidentally also happens to be “his way” things would just run smoother…lol!!! I’m glad that, for the most part, he reels this in. Especially when I sweetly tell him that there is no right or wrong ways to be, just different!!  And that it’s okay. Different is good. It brings fun, laughter, variety, perspective & so so much more!!  I’m happier to have a nice, slow, cuddly morning & then get things done in the early afternoon!!!  Our middle daughter is like him in this way, she’s awake bright & early every day. At this point our 17 year old sleeps in just as most her age do – which, if we would let her, would be until 1-2pm!!  Our 4 year old is currently the one who I share my wonderful, snuggly mornings with & I will try to soak it all in while I still can!!  He told me that he doesn’t want to turn 5 because he won’t be able to fit the same way in our cuddles!!!  I just love that little monkey!!

Finally, my sleep pattern has changed a great deal since I’ve been sick. As I so clearly explained, I need to get a lot of sleep, in order to function. I was never that overly bright & cheery, ready to take on the world at 6AM person, ever.  And, since I’ve been sick, I spend even more time in bed then ever before. Some days, on the excruciating days I tell my husband that I need to sleep. That if I can only get to sleep, the pain won’t be there. I wish I could sleep for 24 hours just to out-sleep the pain…I pray for my medication to sedate me enough that it beats the pain & I can find relief in sleep.  So, like I said a really really really long time ago, I should go to sleep now, it is crazy crazy crazy early AM…I just noticed! Well shit!!!  4:23AM!!!  No wonder the pain was getting so much worse!!! I have myself to blame tonight….😴😴😴

I guess this is my weird post for January 16. Haven’t gone to bed yet, so it counts…soooo tired.  Will hope that there aren’t too many errors & that it isn’t too muddled & confusing…I’ll read it tomorrow & edit if I have to. Night all!!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!