Watching the movie “Lucy” with my hubby and oldest daughter. I know it must sound like all I do is watch movies, but when you’re in pain most of the time, you don’t end up with much of a social life…
So interesting, this movie. Mind boggling concept, what human beings would be capable of if we had the ability to use our brains full capacity. What would be important, how would we function, what could we learn and understand. Philosophical questions and ideas, mixed with quantum physics and life questions regarding purpose and all life and death, as we know it. Then add science fiction and you get an action packed, albeit violent, movie. Makes you think… But, speaking of thinking, I really can’t multi-task very well, as I mentioned once before. So, this is all I’ve written in the past hour and a half! And now it’s over, the movie, not my writing!

My oldest daughter (I know I say that a lot, but I try not to use names on here!) is looking at grad dresses on-line…YES!!! That is what I said GRAD DRESSES!!! How scary is that? How old does that make me? I can’t believe I have a child old enough to graduate in 4 months!! Wow! Also, I received an invite, a couple weeks ago, to my 25th high school reunion. So, again I say WOW! Hard to believe right? I think I was in denial (or I may still be), but tomorrow we’re heading to West Edmonton Mall to go grad dress shopping. It makes it seem more tangible I guess. I have a daughter who is graduating and my 25 year high school reunion is this July!

So now, please give me a minute to remind myself to breath…in and out, in and out…

Okay, I think I’m okay, for the moment. Hopefully I won’t cry tomorrow. My baby is growing up. I know she plans on upgrading next year. So, she should still be home. I just get a bit panicky inside when I think about her being 18. I know that at this point I just have to hope and believe that we have instilled her with the right values and ideals to be a productive, adult, who lives a purposeful life. That’s all…no big😱😱😱 But, adult or not, she will always be my baby and I love her so so much and, because of that irrefutable fact, I will always worry about her and want what’s best for her. And, I know that she will often find my concern for her well-being, annoying or over-protective, but it’s not something I can turn on or off. I think it just came with the package that was delivered on August 19, 1997. As the doctor gently laid her on my chest, I knew that, from that point on, my entire world had changed forever. Life as I knew it shifted in that moment. I knew that I now had a life, other than my own, that I was 100% responsible for and that I would defend and protect without hesitation. In that instant, that vulnerable, itty-bitty human being became my first and foremost priority. Period!! Her life was, and still is (along with my other babies) infinitely more important than anything else. And now, that little baby-doll is graduating from high school in four months and will turn eighteen this August. I can hardly wrap my head around it. Huh…

So, I’m going to bed now. I need to get up and be on my feet all day tomorrow at the mall. I’ve had this horrific, two-sided pain all week and today it has been far far worse. I’ve been alternating my ice-pack from side to side all night. And I know that if I don’t get to bed soon tomorrow will turn out bad. I’m not trying to be negative and I know I need to change how I speak. I don’t need to create more pain by expecting it and repeating to myself that it’s going to happen. It is truly not my intention. I’ve just spent time trying to figure out what some of my “triggers” are.  They ask you to keep a “pain journal”. Then you can look back and see if there are any common denominators on the good and/or bad days. With that knowledge you can make choices to avoid the bad things and do the behaviours that occur on the good days. And, my point is, when I don’t get enough rest I end up feeling crappy the next day! So, instead of writing about going to bed, I’m going to bed.
Goodnight!

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!