I’ve had a day of ups & downs. Still shaking & wavering between anger, worry, frustration & just damn annoyance!! Im hoping that something can be done about it. I need the situation resolved. I’m beyond lies & “he said”/”she said”. I still need to keep my mouth shut & I’m trying, so I’m venting without actually saying anything – if that makes any sense!!  I’ve been talking with a friend who’s daughter is in the same situation. I know that we will both work to have it resolved. And now, I move on…

A few nights ago I was writing about medications & side effects.  I said a few times that I would get back to the reason why I was talking about all of that gobbledegook!!!!  I’ve gone over the fact that I’m on a great deal of medications.  I talked about positive side effects. I didn’t get into the negative side effects, most of which are obvious; if you feel awful, it’s likely negative!! Some of the medications I’m on I take, not to help with my trigeminal neuralgia, migraines, etc, but to help alleviate many of the awful side effects that some of the medications that are supposed to help the initial condition cause (that was awkwardly said…but I’m too tired to fix it!!)  I’ve had colon surgery, bladder surgery & numerous other difficulties because of problems that occured as side effects to harsh, long – term medications.  I want to get healthy.  I would like to get off of as many of my meds as possible.  I mean, seriously, why am I taking things if I continue to feel the pain?  If they were an amazing help & it was like night & day (level 10 pain off meds & level 2 on), then it would be understandable, but, why take them if they do not seem to be helping??  Wow!!  I’m rambling again…

My point is, I feel like that commercial they used to have on t.v. (The one with eggs where they show 2 normal eggs & say “this is your brain” then they crack the eggs & scramble them in a pan & say “this is your brain on drugs.”)  Well, I feel like the brain on drugs!!  Those of you who know me prior to getting sick may notice a difference in how I talk, behave, move, walk, remember, well, basically how I function!!  (This is NOT a scientific explanation!!!) The medications that I am on for nerve pain are intended to slow down the nerve receptor sites, to basically slow down the nerve reactions.  The idea is that this should then slow down the mis-firing of the pain receptors and decrease the pain shooting along the nerve endings into my face, nose, gums, forehead, jaw…etc. The problem is that these medications slow down all nerve responses in our body, they cannot be directed to specific nerves…So, the resulting joy is that ALL of my nerves in my body are slowed down. I repeat ALL of them.  My memory is shot, my reflexes are off, I lose my train of thought (which you likely have seen first hand), I forget words mid-sentence, I stumble or trip easily, I can’t possibly list everything…too many things in our bodies lead back to our nerves.  (I just want to say that, obviously, I am not a doctor, or an expert, or a neurologist…this is not a scientific explanation in any way…it is just my personal experience!!) The main point is, ALL of the nerve reactions in my body are slowed down.

I believe this needed to be said, because I find that my brain is scrambled. My Doctor calls my pills my “stupid pills” & she is right, because that is how they make me feel!!  Writing used to come easier to me.  It would flow fairly easily.  I have been experiencing some frustration since I started writing this blog… I’m feeling those damn stupid pills!!!

And that, my friends, is all…

Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!