Dead Inside…

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to act,

There are no instruction manuals for this!

I’m not sure what there is to say,

What if there’s something that I miss?

I’m not sure how to be,

When he no longer is.

I feel like death inside,

I’m not prepared for his.

I don’t know my next step,

Where do I go from here?

I want to curl into a ball,

And slowly disappear. 

This just isn’t fair,

Why him and not me?

This just isn’t right,

It was not meant to be!

I can’t sleep at night,

I see him when I close my eyes.

I feel the empty bed beside me,

I picture his blue eyes. 

Why did God decide,

That his time had come?

It’s not fair, it’s wrong,

I know that sounds so dumb!

Predictable and obvious,

All the things I say.

It’s like I’ve heard it all before,

I’ve just never seen it from this way.

Always on the outside,

Doing the comforting for others.

Here I am on the inside,

And I want to hide under the covers!

But I smell him there,

No! Please don’t wash those sheets!

He’s still in here with me!

That’s just how my brain cheats!

Why do you think I wear his shirts?

I don’t want to lose the smell.

It makes me feel he’s near,

And all is good and well.

It fools me for a minute,

Then I remember the truth,

He’s gone forever now,

I know that’s my new truth.

I ache from head to foot,

My heart can’t take such pain.

It hurts so bad it’s numb,

It’s more than I can explain. 

I have to pick myself up off the floor,

The kids will be home soon.

Put a smile upon my face,

Don’t let show the inner doom.

For they are hurting too,

It kills me to see their pain.

I can’t take it away.

Can’t ever make things right again…

JKC

Well, don’t ask me what was going through my mind tonight??!! I have no clue where this came from. It just came. It’s nothing in my life, all is well with my hubby and all of us…strange and sad where my brain sometimes goes. Sorry folks. It’s pretty depressing!

To help with research and treatment for Trigeminal Neuralgia please go to http://www.tnnme.com (Trigeminal Neuralgia and Me) to sign a petition to have the World Health Organization (WHO) add Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) to their “Health topic list.”

“Hopefully one day I’ll get it right, or at least have fun, while about it I write!!”

Hey! Let me know what you think! Thanx❌😘❌‼️

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